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September 6, 2022

The Power and Pleasure in our Eyes

It’s been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul.

They may be that, and they’re also the windows to so much more.

Eye Gazing has become almost an obligatory practice on most sensuality, sexuality and intimacy workshops.

We can approach it as a ‘Here we go again, let’s do this so we get to the good stuff, the juicy stuff’, or it can be a world in itself.

And it has so much for us, and in our lives, in our relationships and in pleasure.

And at the end of this piece I’m going to share with you how this can deepen and expand a sexual experience into amazing intimacy and energy.

Looking into someone’s eyes is seeing them, and being seen.

It’s a conversation, a communication, that, like touch, goes beyond words.

We see things we can never fully put into words.

And we are seen.

This, we are seen, is an expression of such deep acknowledgment. When someone looks at us with an open heart, we know that. When someone looks at us with acceptance, we know that.

When someone puts their heart into their eyes and sees us with no judgment, we know that. When someone looks at us with love, we know that.

It’s a knowing that touches something inside of us, takes us to the stillness, to the quiet where the language of intimacy is spoken without words.

Our eyes, connecting with another, even for a brief moment, is also a practice of awareness.

In every interaction, regardless of the context, we connect with our eyes.

And it brings us into awareness.

Even for a brief moment.

And for many of us a brief moment is all we can share with our eyes.

On many workshops it’s one of the most uncomfortable things, because of the intimacy, because it reveals us.

We are seen.

And our unspoken secrets, our fears, our vulnerabilities, not voiced, not spoken, sometimes not even named by us, are there.

In our eyes.

In a relationship it’s one of the most powerful ways to connect with your lover.

To look into their eyes.

To see them, to be seen.

It doesn’t have to be with candles and incense and music.

It doesn’t have to be in a ritual.

Simply connect, with your eyes.

Anywhere, anytime.

There’s attention in this, presence, connection.

Which are elements of love.

I’m not one for the limiting idea of a Love Language, we have many, but this is one of them.

And it speaks volumes.

Attention is deeply connected with our eyes, as they wander over the world.

Where they stop, what they focus on, this is where our attention is.

And attention leads us to presence, to be present in the moment.

We also in this attention become aware of the sensuality of our gaze.

There’s a caress of our eyes as they look, as they see. The awareness of texture, of shape, of color. In the awareness we can feel these, almost physically. And looking with attention is an intimacy with what we’re looking at.

Then we drop deeper.

In our gaze, with an open heart, there is no separation between us.

Our gaze dissolves us, what I see is myself, an expression of me in a different form, in life.

The recognition is that I look into you to see myself, and in me you see yourself.

And we see the union.

And union, the union of our bodies can be deepened by our eyes.

This is the sexual experience I spoke about at the beginning of this piece.

It’s a way of making love that holds us in presence, that holds us in intimacy,that drops us into sensation, into feeling, into the sacred connection between us.

On one hand, simple.

Look into each other’s eyes.

Stay there.

Don’t close your eyes.

Don’t go off into fantasy, don’t go off into your own world, don’t go off into thoughts.

Stay there.

With your eyes open, and locked onto the eyes of your lover.

Stay there.

When you’re inside your lover, when your lover is inside you.

Whether you’re moving fast, whether you’re moving slow.

Stay there, in each other’s eyes.

Whether you have an orgasm or not, stay there.

And if you have an orgasm, stay there during the orgasm.

With your eyes open.

It moves you from the pattern of the way we have sex, the conditioning, the expectation, the goal, the ending, into presence, into intimacy.

And it keeps you there.

This, our eyes, keeps us seeing things anew.

Keeps us seeing life, the world, people, our lovers, differently.

It keeps us curious.

It keeps us in wonder.

A world of possibility.

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