You have been ghosted. You’ve also ghosted before, but never someone you care about.
Deep inside, you feel a connection to the person you’re trying to reach; however, they don’t respond or maybe have even gone as far as blocking you. If you still have things to say and just need to explain where you are coming from, then the lack of conclusion is more than bothering. If you’re feeling left out in the cold and feel a need for closure, then this article is for you.
Lately, on social media, ghosting has been demonized and highlighted as an awful experience. We need to look at the bigger picture and understand why ghosting happens. There are different levels of connections, and every single one is unique.
Smartphones have made communication more frequent and direct, sometimes even creating a burden. Communicating an emotional process effectively is hard enough; now people are expected to communicate effectively constantly through phones, which eventually becomes draining. A lot of us are already having a hard time getting up in the morning and showing up for ourselves, and personal relationships that are asking us to show up for them too can become overwhelming.
Sometimes we just don’t have the energy and motivation to speak to someone. Even if we have a bond, even if we had a great time recently, even if we’re friends. Knowing how to give space and let rest is a key element to friendship. When a person is not putting into words the reason they’re not responding, then the most loving thing to do is to tune in to the silence. It has been said (and it is true) that no response is a response. When we don’t do something, we’re also doing something. It’s a choice. Show respect for the non-responsive person’s boundaries and stop trying to reach them.
Now, maybe you want an explanation. You want to know what happened. Did something about you turn them off or annoy them? Would you be willing to change yourself to fit their needs? If you feel they should explain it to you, then you’re asking them to fix you, and falling into victim mentality. It’s no one’s responsibility to fix, correct, or raise their partner or friend.
The right thing to do is to become introspective and see if there is something about you that you would not like to see in a partner and work on it. If you enjoy seeing your traits in a partner, then you know it’s time to love yourself more, focus on your good traits, and keep living your life because soon enough you will cross paths with people who are more in tune with your frequency.
You know that relationships take work; you’re willing to put in the effort to hold this connection and keep this bond. However, a lack of response from the person ghosting you is an indicator that they don’t want to put in the effort. If someone is not showing up and making an evident effort to keep the connection—like you are—then it is time to let that person go. Make space, clean up the space, and enjoy the space until people who click with you gravitate toward your space. It is important to note that if you do not let go of the connection you’re trying to force, then there will be no space for the connection that fits in just right.
Letting go involves realizing we don’t own our connections.
We might call them ours, but they are not a thing we can possess. Connections are a special form of energy that connect us to one another, and they’re something we can nurture and care for, but not control. As humans, it is normal to crave security. We want to know that our bonds will be there over time. This is not a guarantee; we can’t guarantee others that we will be here tomorrow because we are not in control over every circumstance that surrounds that. Anything can happen. Impermanence is a characteristic of life. Relationships change along with their circumstances, and just like we cannot stop time, we cannot stop change.
The energy we give and take in our connections can last longer than the connection itself. The moments of love, faith, fear, and anger that we exchange will impregnate our soul and stay longer than our circumstances. This is why it is so important to show up and give positive emotions in our connections. The love we interchange will transcend the material world. If we act out of fear or anger and leave hurtful comments in our bonds’ energy, then that negative energy will linger longer in everyone involved than the connection at a worldly level.
In time, if we appreciate our ephemeral connections and can be happy they happened, even if they did not last as long as we wanted them to, then we will be able to let go gracefully and stop hurting when people ghost us.
Accepting other people’s decisions, even when they are not what we expect them to be, is a form of love. Letting go and embracing uncertainty is also an act of love. Being ghosted is okay and can be used as an effective message that it is time to separate.