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November 28, 2022

Comparison is the Thief of Joy.

 

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How many times have you looked at someone’s social media profile, posts, or pictures, and felt that sinking feeling in your stomach?

Wishing you had their life, their body, their wealth. Lamenting that your relationship didn’t look like theirs. Hoping to have what they have someday.

How many times have you let yourself fall into the trap of wanting what someone else has (or appears to have) to the detriment of your own personal happiness? If this sounds like you, please hear me out.

Every time you compare yourself to someone else, you give away your power. You diminish what you have. You set that thing you’re so wanting to have, achieve, gain outside of yourself. You are forgetting your own personal power as a co-creator.

I’m not suggesting we should never want for ourselves what others have. I’m not even going to demonize jealousy because I believe all feelings are valid and provide insight. It’s all information to me.

Instead, I try to let it be a guide. If I’m feeling a certain way about someone’s recent trip to Bali, rather than falling into a negative spiral about what I don’t have or haven’t gotten to do (yet), I add it to my mental list of what I’d like to achieve, acquire, or experience for myself.

But let’s not stop there. The most important part of the puzzle is following up with action. In order to go to Bali, I need xyz…so I go in search of xyz to make that my reality. Sometimes that goal is long-term; sometimes it’s just within reach. Try not to let the distance between you and that thing you’re wanting deter you from actually going after it.

Humans are inherently uncomfortable in the liminal—that space between what we want and actually having it. We get antsy. We get uncomfortable waiting, hoping. We give up too quickly or we tell ourselves stories about why we can’t have it and never will. We self-sabotage because we don’t believe we’re worthy and find ourselves in negative mental loops.

If I could offer anything here, it’s to get comfortable being uncomfortable. Growth isn’t easy. They don’t call it “growing pains” for nothing! Growth often comes with some amount of discomfort, but if what you want would bring fulfillment, harmony, meaning, and goodness into your life, why stop yourself? It is often us that needs to get out of our own way to allow what is waiting for us to be delivered.

We wouldn’t want it, dream of it, obsess over it, struggle to let it go if it wasn’t possible. It may not look exactly like someone’s perfectly posed (and potentially filtered) Instagram photo, but it doesn’t have to because it’s not for them—it’s for you! And no one is better at being you than you are. That’s your super power.

What is needed most, in my humble opinion, is people feeling safe to be fully themselves. To live authentically. To have the freedom to just be who they are and allow their innate gifts, personality, and skills to shine. The day of idolizing the guru is dying. It’s not that you need to be like someone else to achieve something great. You need to be fully yourself. Your actualized self. Your empowered self. From that space, you begin to attract more of what you actually want in your life.

So, I ask you: what do you want? What do you need? What makes you feel safe? What makes you feel joy? What makes you laugh and feel lighter in your life?

Start getting clear on that and you’re halfway there. Then take action and the rest will fall into place.

~

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