What’s “Too Much/ Not Enough” Code For?
Image/Appearance: Too Much Not Enough Code For…
Beauty. Status. Reputation. How things look.
We see the surface of something and someone first. The old phrase, “you never get a second chance to make a first impression” carries a heavy weight to it. It can be damning.
At its minimum, it’s filled with conflict and obstacles.
Beauty standards, preoccupation with a thin body type, and generating enough “likes” on social media all reinforce, daily, how we may be “too much/not enough” of any kind of aesthetic, at any given moment. It’s the constant measuring, sizing up, comparing, contrasting, and finding ourselves at a deficit.
The Hierarchy Lie, subtle or blatant, attempts to convince us that there are some people who look better than we do. Perhaps, we can join their ranks only if we perfectly conform to their image. Follow the trend to the letter. Change our “flaws.” Remove our uniqueness, in favor of the homogenized look and standard.
What’s the payoff TO the Hierarchy Lie when it comes to an aesthetic?
It can be argued that insecurity is a money maker; insecurity keeps us spending money and chasing. It keeps us distracted from focusing on something else that could possibly threaten the Hierarchy Lie. And that’s dangerous, so dangerous, that there is a doubling down of pressure, sales, and marketing to get our attention back on the “right” way of doing thing and being in the world.
“Just be like me/us.”
Don’t be you.
Performance/Worth/Value: Too Much Not Enough Code For…
This cuts to the core of who we are: our intrinsic worth.
The Hierarchy Lie asserts that we are conditionally valuable. It has everything to do with what we have done, how we have performed.
And how was that?
Answer? It was “too much/not enough.”
How’s that for an accurate benchmark?
Never being the right standard of performance, achievement, and action can keep us striving on a never-ending hamster wheel.
Being Lovable: Too Much Not Enough Code For…
Like image and performance, our lovability is also up for discussion, assessment, and meted- out punishment.
Concerning this facet of the Hierarchy Lie, we are graded on exactly how worthy of love we are. It is conditional.
Some of us, from the start, have already had the verdict rendered. There is NOTHING we can do or be that will make us lovable. There is a predetermined ruling that we are defective, regrettable, a “mistake,” a “sin.”
That determination has nothing to do with us.
Rather, it comes from another person/group and their negative association with who we are. Resentment is often at the root of this perspective.
It can be as simple and painful as we are resented for being who we are.
To us, however, it is neither simple, nor painless.
Still, often, we can only absorb the harmful ruling. Usually, a person in power and authority, like a parent or a teacher, daily conveys their assertion…and it’s not to be challenged.
It is. Truth. Fact. Irrefutable.
And then, there are also some of us, perhaps, who were once told we were lovable.
Then, one day, that assessment was rescinded.
Now we are in a position in which we feel we need to get back into someone’s “good graces.” We need to earn our lovability back, somehow.
We can be yanked, back and forth, between lovable versus unlovable. It can change daily, sometimes, by the minute.
We are destabilized, fearful, and often fawning, wanting to do “whatever it takes.” And the results of our efforts can be demoralizing. It’s unpredictable. Perhaps, one day, we’re successful. Our faith in a person or relationship, let alone, our identity, is restored.
And then, other days, nothing works. We are chastised for being failures. We are abused, laughed at, and punished.
Back and forth, we go.
We can crack the code.
Too much. Not enough.
These rulings are not rooted in truth, accuracy, or our inherent identity and worth. They are rooted in abuse, in agenda, and in the misuse of someone desiring to control us.
“Too much/not enough” has nothing to do with us being the failures. It has everything to do with our another’s devaluation of us, to fortify someone else’s agenda. By keeping things as an ever-moving target, with the goal posts seemingly always being out of our reach, we will never win. And that’s desirable to the toxic “someone else.”
If we can begin to accept and crack that code, it can help us shift our self-concepts.
We are not inherently wrong.
We have value, purpose, talents, and scared uniqueness.
If we are confronted, in any way, by the “Too much/not enough” message, it would be helpful for us to challenge that assertion.
Who/What is telling me that?
What can they gain by having me believe it as fact?
Chances are, there is something nefarious behind that assessment of us.
We ARE enough. That is code for who we are.
We are just the right embodiment of us.
Copyright © 2022 by Sheryle Cruse