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“I literally don’t have the energy to give a f*ck about this conversation!”
Hi. That sentence above? That was me a few days ago. Talking to my always-sweet husband. Ugh.
But first, let’s rewind. I used to be a person who thought love and relationships were black and white: you love someone = you choose them…and all their quirks. Done.
I still believe in love. I still believe in loving people for their quirks. We all have them, after all. What I never accounted for, however, was the periods of our lives that override everything else. The heaviness that seeps in from the corners and grasps us—unrelenting.
For me, lately, it’s been hard to distinguish between whether or not it’s severe sleep deprivation or depression that has caused this dark cloud to bring out a monster in me.
For those of you who don’t know me that well, I just had a baby a few months ago, so it’s entirely possible it’s either one of those things…or, apparently, both:
“Do you ask yourself: am I depressed, or just tired? According to a 2018 study by Ghanean and colleagues, fatigue occurs in over 90 percent of people with depression. So, it can be hard to tell the difference between burnout and depression. Watch this video to find out if you’re not just tired, but depressed too.” ~ Psych2Go
A reader/watcher of the video said,
“I used to…be silver-tongued in arguments. Now, I struggle to even get a single sentence out (I don’t mean stuttering, but more like pauses and more thinking) and feel the lack of energy to even correct myself. I couldn’t write anymore and still can’t.”
This hit home for me. I’ve always considered hormonal/emotional fatigue as a driver for poor communication and mood/state of being, but let me tell you: I am learning a whole new definition of fatigue. And I think this is important to keep in mind as we navigate any sort of relationship or interaction: there are, quite literally, a million different reasons why someone might be acting sh*tty.
It doesn’t excuse it. But it helps us make sense of it. It helps us to have genuine empathy. And, hopefully, it helps us heal.
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