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January 7, 2023

Emotional Maturity

Before my son Ira was born, I thought I was quite mature.

I had explored personal development since 18, spirituality since 21, had a regular 2-5 hour morning meditation practice and had a thriving 6-figure healing business.

By the time I was 25 I had done over 5000 sessions, studied different healing 13 modalities, travelled around the world learning from master healers, and spiritual masters like Sadhguru, and I was leading a community where I would do workshops for 30-80 people at a time.

Then, my marriage fell apart.

My 7 year relationship to my first wife collapsed, and I went into a personal crisis of despair. Everything I had been working towards building just collapsed.

I was left heart broken, and retreated to my parents house at the age of 27.

I felt like a complete failure…

I felt like a fake…

All this personal work on myself, all this spiritual seeking that brought about deep, transformation, and profound experiences, it couldn’t save my marriage.

When I decided to leave, I knew there was work to be done on myself.

I took more than my share of responsibility, and was very harsh on myself, very critical for my mistakes and my side of things.

I went travelling through europe seeking out relationship masters and embodiment practitioners who could help me master the deeper aspects of masculinity and help me enhance my relational skills.

I was jaded about marriage, I didn’t believe that institutionalising a relationship meant anything anymore as it didn’t really do anything when my marriage was collapsing.

Through the heartbreak of a divorce, I found deeper and deeper wounds that were unaddressed in my spiritual process.

I found stuff I was afraid to face, shadows of my past childhood traumas and wounds.

Stories that I told myself, about myself, that were untrue, yet so real to me.

In the midst of all of this I was going through a financial crisis as I just couldn’t bring myself to work with the emotional pain and fatigue I was going through.

It was one of the most difficult periods of my life.

I honestly didn’t know how I was going to move forward, and when my dark night of the soul would end.

Looking back now, I recall a single moment when I made a choice that changed the fate of my life.

I was in a workshop in Turkey with a tantric master.

I was deep in process, and exploring myself in deeper ways than I have before.

I had a moment where I was in a state of awareness of the MOTHER, the FEMININE, and I felt called to say a prayer.

I spoke the words intuitively “Mother, send me the woman I need to become the man you need me to be”.

2 weeks later, I met Gabriella.

It was no coincidence.

I called her in.

And she is EXACTLY what I NEED to become the man that life needs me to be.

She challenges me when I falter.

She sees through my bullshit, and doesn’t let it slip by me.

She is mature, loving, intuitive, committed, passionate, playful, graceful, spiritual in the most grounded way possible, and she has more integrity than anyone else I’ve ever met.

She has the qualities that compliment who I am, and accelerate my spiritual path.

When I called her in, I was not asking for something specific, I wasn’t asking for superficial qualities.

She could have been any ethnicity, any age, any color of hair, eyes, skin, and I would have loved her for what was in her depth.

She is a once in a lifetime love, and she has helped me become the man I am today, and she will continue to help me become the man that the world and my family needs me to be.

Her, and my son Ira have been paramount in helping me to mature emotionally.

There is nothing like becoming a father and having a spiritually aligned relationship to speed up your spiritual path.

And to think, at one point I was going to become a monk.

I am happy that I never walked down that path.

What I have is so much more fulfilling and enriching.

I feel like I’ve had 20 years of experience, in just 5 short years, and I look forward to many more lifetimes with my life-partner.

For those who do choose the path of love in their life, I invite you to go beyond the superficial kind of relationship and to venture into the depths of Devotional Love

With Love,


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