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January 5, 2023

How to be awkward: Observe and write

One thing I have learned, sitting here in the midst of strangers who will neither remember my face nor pull me from a crowd Tommorow is that, people’s definition of fun is VERY different. For some it’s self immersion in inaudible conversation and an infinite flow of alcohol. However, for nonchalant humans such as I, it’s being alone or with a few friends drinking and less talking; the conversation can be there but it needs to pause awhile and breathe, you know…. Simmer. I have been sitting here in what I can call a ‘cornucopia’ of personalities and all I want is those four walls i call my bedroom to be surrounding me. Social situations are a standard measured like delicatessen meats-some want the ham cut thin, others want the whole hog. We cannot judge each other for how we choose to enjoy our social time, rather we should just enjoy ourselves the best way we know how. Nonetheless, my ass is tired from this hardwood bench, it feels like the bone is searing through the muscle and carving my name into the bench. Even so, I love seeing people come together in good spirits and enjoying themselves without putting pressure on one another to have fun. Fun is a funny word, pretty subjective isn’t it? Whats fun to one person can be pretty annoying to the next person, and ‘so-so’ to the next. Like fun isn’t a fixed term- there are no terms and conditions on how to have it, on who can have it and what will happen to those who don’t have it. Like you can’t die or go to prison if you feel like you’re not having fun. Pretty crazy isn’t it? Like for me, fun is me and my hobbies having a go at each other. Completely ignoring the world and rubbing each other’s nubbins (don’t mean to be sexual). When I’m in awkward situations such as this one, all I can do is write write write, as if that would help me escape. Most times what I write doesn’t even make sense, it’s just an observation of myself in a world I did not design to see if I can walk straight without tripping… I’m always tripping and falling on my ass. The zeitgeist of Social decorum has never payed no never mind to the insertion of those who feel strange and anxious when met by a group of Hyper extroverts. Needless to say, I had fun in Cape Town-most of it I enjoyed in the company of strangers if you’d believe it.

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