5.5
February 7, 2023

The Twin Flame I Needed—But Never Wanted.

*Warning: f-bombs dropped below!

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“I feel you move me to another world.” ~ Ofelia K

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You may be wondering what a fuckgirl knows or can share about a twin flame connection.

After all, we’re notoriously skilled at prioritizing physical and sexual intimacy over emotional intimacy.

In my experienced opinion, it’s better to take the emotions slow and the physical fast because it’s often the most cringey, shame-assigning men who view sex and women who engage in it as dirty, so they harshly judge women more extremely than men with sexual double-standards.

In fact, it’s those unevolved male opinions that I rebelled against in my 20s when I set my sex free at the expense of misogynistic, patriarchal judgement. I became free, even empowered, but with a backlash of constant, misogynistic smackdowns that shellacked my young soul with their weaponized oppression, turning me into an unemotional, feminist fuckgirl indifferent to romantic love.

If soul mates are about connecting on the same vibration with a close intimacy (warning: soul mates can keep you in your comfort zone in the same way the gentle, natural parenting method doesn’t encourage substantial growth in a child), and a twin flame connection is about transformative power and healing, then it makes absolute sense for me, an imperfect, still healing fuckgirl, to write this and share the twin flame experience I never saw coming. That I fought to let happen. And that ultimately challenged and changed me, by dislodging my stuck feet encased in a metal bucket of solid concrete. Except, instead of my feet being frozen in place, it was my heart—the other feeling motor above my belt, not below it.

I didn’t process how truly numb, shutdown, and frozen I was until I met my mirror image who saw me. Like really saw me. Saw into me. And proceeded to see me and melt me, simply by spending time with me and being ultra-open and vulnerable regarding everything he saw. His powerful energy slowly chipped away at my history of hardened fuckery that made me retreat from the world and retreat from my fullest, feeling self.

It wasn’t anything complicated. He just matched my power. He had a way with me. He stayed consistent and chipped through my walls, a little at a time. He was all the things that encapsulate a twin flame relationship: awakening, uncomfortable, dizzying, and refining. He’d say, “don’t flinch” as he keenly observed my most nuanced motions. It almost felt like he could read my thoughts or even predict my behavior. I imagine, I might have felt like one of those abused, malnourished horses you have to be more careful around.

Some skeptics say twin flame relationships are cosmic bullsh*t because they are too aggressive, rationalizing toxic patterns and abuse. Well, over 10 years later, if I had to describe him and our connection, it would be loving, observant, deliberate, and vigilant. All the toxicity came before I met him from American mainstream, dating culture.

But I’m someone who doesn’t believe in putting out into the world or in the heads of my future partners the details of male inappropriateness because I think it backfires, and they think you’ll tolerate previous men’s standards, and I’m like bruh, you need to learn where my bar currently is—not where it was. In fact, all those men lost me, so was it ever that low?

My friend’s called me the one-hit-wonder because I wouldn’t give second chances to appalling or mediocre behavior. I still don’t. Not for rings, marriages, houses, trips, or security. I only want lovely, mind-blowing, sexual intimacy or consumate love—nothing in between.

So one stroke at a time, one pearl at a time, he strung this beautiful pearl necklace for me—equivalent to an emotional breakthrough that freed my heart and helped transcend my journey to becoming a more open and present, mindful fuckgirl; with enough time and pressure, he strung this exquisite thing that would take me more years to fully appreciate.

I owe so much of my personal growth and intimate fulfillment since my early 30s to my relationship with him. Sometimes I wonder, what if I had never met him, the closest thing I’ve known to a real-life prince—resilient, stealthy, graceful, and magnanimous? A man, who was able to reach me and slay some of my dragons in a way that other men before him hadn’t. A man who showed me I wasn’t hopeless.

Here are 10 pearls, 10 signs that I experienced that might indicate you are, in fact, in a twin flame connection:

1. Straightforward Authenticity Makes You Feel All the Feels

The first thing that might strike you about a twin flame is their boldness. When you might expect friendly banter or a simple lightheaded flirtation, instead they’re zeroing in on what makes you tick and the elephant in the room, much to your horror and astonishment if you’re not adept at discussing in-the-moment feelings. You feel a red blush sweep across your face. You’re mortified and want to run and hide. This is also the moment you may underestimate what your mirrored-mate is capable of because of all the clueless fools who came before.

2. The Connection Feels Indescribable

With a chemistry that’s impossible to deny and even harder to put into words, you will try to make sense of it and search for the language of what is happening at both ends of your limbic system: sensation and emotion.

3. Some Seriously Sexy Empathy

A twin flame justifies all the bitter disappointment you feel, masquerading as sarcastic sentiments, like memes that say if women had to have a clitoral orgasm to get pregnant, then there would only be eight or nine people on the planet. A twin flame has an inner nerd or geek because they’re secretly really smart and skilled in areas that actually matter and make a difference to you. They’re more likely to be found infiltrating a controversial startup than a Star Wars convention because they’re more interested in the tangible world, which includes you.

This is the person who can find your clitoris effortlessly and knows what to do once there. You’ll feel like your pussy has been hijacked while other women are falling asleep watching a three-hour installment of “Transformers.” They empathize with the failings of their kind; furthermore, they seek to undo it and see you at your fullest. Imagine a feeling cheerleader!

4. You Hold the Keys to Each Other’s Interdependence

Your burning flame will have the audacity to tell you exactly what you don’t want to hear. You may utterly hate them down to their soul for it. That hate is the final push you couldn’t do on your own, and your twin knows this about you. This is why you can’t resist them; you actually need them. From their divine fingertips all the way down to their fucking, confident toes. While you’re love-loathing them from the difficult-to-bear strokes you can barely take, this is when they have the nerve to tell you that you will like them in the end. And they’re right. They’re annoying AF like that. Impossible to permanently hate. They might be the only person you fully open up to and trust, as they playfully and straightforwardly coax you out of yourself to come out and meet them.

5. The Discomfort of Growth Will Make You Push Them Away

There’s so much to feel with a twin flame that you’ll max out on how much and how fast they’re expanding your ability to feel. It’s really no different than a toddler who crashes out on the drive home after a wicked birthday party with all the spectacles. Here’s where you want to know when to pump the brakes instead of hitting the eject button to permanently remove your twin from your life. A twin flame is uncommon, so let them know you value the relationship and check-in with the necessary communication of where you’re at. Try your best to control the pace and pressure.

6. Surrender: It’s a Consensual Power

A twin flame can level you with their eyes. They shoot an intense “Where Do You Think You’re Going? Get Over Here” penetrating look straight at you like arrows with your name on them…and you acquiesce like it’s out of your control. They can stop you in your tracks. They have that ability. They have an ability with you. You walk over to them like a magnet because from the first day you met, the chemistry was high-vibe. High fucking vibration.

7. Erotica: Where Sensation and Emotion Meet

When you physically connect, such as a hug, you go for the full embrace with all it’s quirks, which helps to serve as an icebreaker. Maybe you joke around, start laughing. Breaking the ice leads to vulnerability, which is the drawbridge to erotica. Maybe in an embrace, he takes your hand and gently strokes the top of your forearm with a gleeful joy, filling both your heart and body with sweet raptures. This delicate, deliberate touch is the kind of soft that speaks volumes. Sincere tenderness in small, stolen moments are what your mind will replay later—because in those moments, it feels like you belong. To each other. Twin flames know that rush of pure erotica, which is more than just sex because of the emotional component.

8. Nothing Hurts Like Missing Attachment That You Value

A twin is painful when they’re physically separated from you. That statement may even feel underwhelming, as it can feel excruciating when a twin flame is ripped away from you because they were valuable to you. They have value in a way other people who we date do not have. Erotica’s contrast is a lonely despair. From Austen to Brontë to Taylor’s Swift’s RED album, creators have attempted to capture the bond of Twin Flames:

“It is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame. And if that boisterous channel, and two hundred miles or so of land come broad between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapt; and then I’ve a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly.” ~ Jane Eyre

9. Reciprocating Will Happen to Twins

As mirrored souls, twin flames are not in a one-way situationship. As an equal, they allow you to respond to them as an equal and they receive your strokes, as well—even if one of them is playing the role of chaser more fully. Twins feel it all together. They go through the waves together and feel the nuanced temperatures of their individual twin too, which may prompt little quarrels or big fights. Whether they break apart permanently or stay and grow together while challenging each other, this cosmic connection stays with you as it has forever changed you and your destiny.

10. They Imprint On You

If a soul wound can be created, it can be healed, leaving the person a wiser, bigger, and fuller version than they were before the wound happened. Delivering and receiving some of the hardest strokes emotionally and softest strokes physically, truly is an act of strength, a super-power, really, as well as a pursuit in beauty.

A mixture of magnitudes will be felt when a twin flame deliberately dotes on you. From the light, uplifting, supportive text, to the revved purring you feel when they start your sexual engine, to the full-body, energetic slam you get hit with from head to toe, as you stand in a doorway and study their gait walking away from you into another room. Physically, they walk away while energetically they’re embracing you. That’s when they have imprinted on you because you have fully let them and their healing in. It’s a trust bond with healing properties straight from the cosmos—powerful, invisible, and calm. Magic.

The dicey part about dating today is that we independent women don’t financially need men anymore, and we’re self-love rock stars, but deep down, we know we can’t meet our bravest, strongest, emotional self, our partnered-self, without this twin flame connection. With them and their final push we aren’t strong enough to give ourselves, it’s a reminder that humans need each other. Not in a codependent manner, but in an interdependent way, to reach the tallest, emotional peaks within ourselves. It’s sheer courage we have to face. The fuel we use to overcome fear is burning desire.

A Twin Flame is that strong person and tender soul you need, but fearfully never want, and you’re pretty damn grateful for in the end. The connection strengthens you as an individual, and the sky’s the limit when the two of you are in a burning union on fire. Do not fear Twin Flame connections, or push them away during growing pains. In the end, Twins make each other stronger. They make heroes and heroines out of us, leaving us to ponder: what if I had never met you?

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