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March 15, 2023

All In a Day: Reflections on Life and Love

Photo by ROMAN ODINTSOV on Pexels.

Driving down a familiar road I sigh as memories flood. I recall the day that anger left me.  Anger that was heavy and immobilizing was somehow miraculously released.  As the memories flood. I feel a surge. I recall the day not so long ago following a phone argument I was hot and heady and  filled with anger. After hanging up the phone I picked up my ex husband’s Ipod from my daughter’s desk as I headed out for a walk. At that moment I do not know what made me do it and as I put the ear buds in my ears I felt silly and childish. Listening to his music I felt my heart soften and I understood again why and how I loved him so deeply as well as the anger that I had been feeling following the end of our ten year relationship and marriage.

Thinking back I recall the softening and the music that cracked me open empathetically. Listening to his music made me realize what was important and that was our daughter. We both wanted the best for her and we both felt and loved intensely. Walking through the park I let go of all of my anger and peace began to fill. As I walked  the rain began to softly fall. This didn’t stop me and walked to the park center and there I came across what looked like a book in a bag drenched with rain on an an otherwise empty park bench. I ran towards and knelt and reached out and sure enough it was a book. A mystery book left by a stranger in the park waiting for someone to pick up the book. This was a travelling book. Opening the cover of the book I read on that this was meant to be read then shared and the book would and will travel the world over. Reading this the tears flooded. This book along with the music lifted me up to a place that I needed in order transcend the pain and loss. As the rain washed me clean I ran home with the book under my arm. This was a day like no other. A day filled with every emotion. On this day I found compassion and forgiveness.

Reflecting while driving I don’t recall what the book was about all I recall is that day and that feeling. Lately while doing work on my own healing and striving to move forward I find myself frustrated and grief stricken. On such days I think back how tiny events and experiences which I call synchronistic moments help us on our path. I feel like I need one of these days again and I pray and now writing this I offer this up through my writing. I ask for healing and I make an oath to take strides forward with grace. Today has been a day and somedays are heavier and on such days music, writing and time alone can make a world of difference and so I write on. When my mind gets foggy and body feels heavy I breathe deeper and let the memories and emotions flood across my page. So much can change in a moment and in a day. Today I celebrate all that was and is. Today I celebrate this day and this life!  As I drive the snow falls and if I squint I can almost see the light shining down on me.

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