April 24, 2023

How to Deal when People Shrink their Circle & you’re No Longer In It.

This is a season of loss for me as my friendships have changed.

I am mourning friendships that were, and wishing they’d never changed—or that I’d never changed.

There have, however, been some needed changes in my friendships.

Some of my friends have grown distant from lack of proximity, from hardships that have created tension or competition, or from a sheer passage of time. Some people I thought I knew proved to be someone else and not my friend at all. Some have hurt me or taken advantage of me. Some friends have ghosted me, for reasons I don’t understand, though I recognize that some reasons have nothing to do with me.

On my part, I have disappointed some friends. I have hurt others, albeit unknowingly or unintentionally. I try to give the grace I seek, but sometimes I have fallen short.

This is the bitter-sweet reality of life with imperfect people. People come into our hearts and leave, leaving different residue, different imprints—some decent and some awful. And every so often, we must take stock of what has built up in our hearts, and sweep out the heavy, useless residue while polishing some imprints into radiance.

We form connections regularly. Some of these connections break, some become strengthened, and some become re-grafted into even stronger connections. A similar pruning process takes place even on a cellular level for the betterment of our bodies. To live and thrive is to experience pruning.

There is a time for everything, and every season has its purpose. A time to mourn is also a time to metamorphose. It is an opportunity to stop, to be still, and to feel the piercings of the tears we have accumulated. It is a time to embrace our fears, ours sorrows, and our disappointments so that we can chart a fresh course or clearly see the horizon ahead. Who have we been? Who are we now? Who do we want to be?

This is a season of loss, but it is also a hopeful time because I know it means a more grounded, knowledgeable, and authentic version of me is cocooning and is soon to emerge. We are adaptable—we have unlimited potential for growth, but that growth comes through pruning.

Are you in mourning? Don’t fight it. Don’t build impenetrable walls. Instead, embrace this time. Learn from it and let it empower a new you.


When you Shrink your Circle

Time heals all wounds

It also refocuses things

The aches we bear

The loss that fell from our hearts

Used to be a bridge

Together we could find laughter

To masquerade our tears and wails

Now there’s a pit in our hearts

Where our loss used to be

We feel its absence

We recognize our incomplete hearts

And we see the pits in each other

Now our pits are reminders

Of what used to be

What could have been

And it’s hard to admit it

But taking a step back

Away from us

Brings comfort through forgetfulness

About the cause of the stinging tears

Until one day

We pass each other by

As strangers

That never meet again

But hope is like

Sunshine raining on a cloudy day

It can rejuvenate

Make us look past these losses

Be redefined

Fill our voids with splendid memories

And we can laugh and cry together

Without uncomfortable tension

And one day we’ll meet again

Then pick up not from where we left off

But from somewhere new

a place of understanding or acceptance

where time always looks forward

And if we never meet again

I can wish you well


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