As someone who struggles with anxious attachment, I have continued to seek a sense of safety and security from others my whole life, especially men. I desire to feel loved, taken care of, and to know that I will not be abandoned. However, the attempt to get this fulfillment in a relationship has it’s costs. Including the exhaustion of seeking security from someone outside of myself.

Anxious attachment in relationships is the desire and need for unconditional love from a partner that often should have come from parents. This can look like needing constant reassurance from a partner to feel loved and safe. However, that is putting a lot of pressure on a partner and it is unfair to expect your partner to meet all your needs and heal your parental wounds.

In a world where people die, friends grow apart, and relationships end, having anxious attachment can create a sense of panic. People coming and going creates a feeling of perpetual loss and often abandonment. Continuous seeking out others to feel whole and secure can lead to a lot of pain and turmoil.

However, a relationship with a higher power is what provides that sense of safety that is unlike any other. This is because of the comfort that this relationship is one that will not change. He will always be accessible. He can provide the sense of dependability and attunement that the human flesh can not always provide and therefore be the relationship to provide secure attachment.

The need that is being met for someone with abandonment and attachment trauma (aka anxious attachment) is have one relationship that is consistent and never leaves?
Is it possible that the sense of safety and security has been there all along just not in the form of human flesh?

In the 12 step program, it discusses having daily conversations with your higher power. It is thought of as a relationship and partnership so it takes work like any relationship including communication.

Therefore, by allowing your higher power to be the one who provides unconditional love and positive regard, it can lessen the likelihood of engaging in unhealthy relationship patterns related to anxious attachment.

So what exactly does this look like?

Instead of begging, pleading, demanding to be loved by someone… ask your high power to comfort you.

Instead of trying to control your I partner to feel seen… give it up to your higher power and pray.

Instead of trying to dress up to go to the club to feel wanted and get validation… know your higher power believes you are worthy.

There is someone would will always love you and never leave, your higher power.