May 12, 2023

The 4 Phases of Healing: Which Phase are you In?

Many of us aren’t equipped to deal with (or are seriously unprepared for) the intricate process that is healing.

When we start out on our healing journey for the first time, we’re in for a shock because the way that healing is portrayed by many doesn’t accurately depict what we can expect to go through.

We expect that healing will only last a month or two. We expect it to be filled with butterflies and rainbows. We expect it to be as simple as saying a bunch of affirmations and looking ourselves in the mirror saying “I love you” one hundred times a day.

In truth, the reality can be super bleak and the healing process can last a long time (and by that I mean our whole life, because we’re always healing and growing).


When we’ve lived 20, 30, 40, or 50-plus years with the same repressed traumas, bottled up emotions, negative behaviours, negative patterns, and believing the same bullsh*t we tell ourselves, it can take quite some time until we feel like we’ve made any actual progress.

We can’t expect to miraculously heal overnight after one visit to a shaman, one meditation, or one plant medicine journey. There’s no “quick fix” or magic pill when it comes to deep healing and transformation, which is probably why so many of us avoid it altogether. If it were easy, we would all be doing it.

I’m not saying this to try to deter you from your healing journey.

I’m also not trying to get you to dread the inevitable healing process that so many of us are about to undergo given this mass ascension we’re all going through.

I think it’s only fair to give you all a glimpse into what to expect so that firstly you’re able to determine which phase you’re in, and secondly, once armed with this knowledge, you’ll be able to handle and manage your process better, knowing there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and so much to be gained along the way.

Phase 1: Denial

(It’s not just a river in Africa.)

Oh, denial, sweet denial. It’s where I expect a good 70 percent of the population to be sitting right now, such as the vast majority of my family members, friends, and former co-workers.

Denial is where we’re like “lol, I’m fine” and choose to remain blissfully ignorant to the fact that we’re actually miserable and dead inside.

Denial is drowning our sorrows with things such as valium, booze, drugs, pornography, tinder dates, or expensive cars.

Going to the same dead-end job every single day.

Going to sleep feeling unfulfilled and consciously choosing to distract ourselves in any way possible from the ever-growing void inside of us and the traumas we’ve spent our whole lives suppressing. Not to mention the fact that we despise ourselves deeply (“hey, look! A new show to binge on Netflix!”).

What a great way to distract ourselves from the realization of our meaningless existence.

Denial means we either have zero interest in healing or improving our lives or we’re totally unequipped to even go there cause we’re suppressing a lot of heavy trauma. It could mean we’re choosing to remain blissfully ignorant. Or we’re seriously lacking the capacity to self-reflect (but you probably wouldn’t be here reading this if that was the case).

We can’t stay in denial forever. Eventually we will get so sick and tired of our own bullsh*t that we’ll have to do something to change.

Phase 2: Realisation

This is the point where we wise up to the fact that our entire life is essentially a lie.

Usually this happens in the form of a wake-up call that forces us to take a long hard look at our current situation, whether it be a near-death experience, illness, job loss, divorce, breakup, or a seemingly harmless flu that is wreaking havoc on the entire planet, causing the world to collectively lose the plot.

This wake-up call forces us to closely examine ourselves and realize “hey, things are not all gravy baby.” That we are seriously failing to rise to the occasion for this old “life” chestnut.

For me, this was a long period of intense depression and realizing that if I didn’t do something to change my current situation ASAP, I would literally top myself. No bueno.

But as bleak as realisation is, it is a beautiful thing.

It’s the first time we become aware that life actually holds the possibilities for our own growth and liberation. We free ourselves from the lies and illusions of our current reality and finally begin to take back our control again.

It’s the first time we’re able to see the situation for what it is, make an honest assessment of where everything is at, and get real with ourselves by admitting that it’s high time we start doing things differently.

(Yay! Welcome, my friend. You’re officially ready to start the journey to becoming an awesomely liberated and conscious human.)

Phase 3: Purging, Processing + Purifying

It’s around this phase where we realise how hard healing can be, and many of us bail before giving it a chance to do any good.

The fun thing is that no matter how much healing we’ve done, we usually always return to phase three at some point in our life. In fact, we’ll be moving through phase three and four quite consistently until we die, because the truth is we are constantly evolving and growing.

We just get better (and a lot more graceful) about dealing with it to the point where it stops being a big deal because we realise how much positive growth and transformation it’s allowed us to have.

In some masochistic sense we might even grow to like it.

Purging, purifying, and processing is “working through” or bringing to the surface any emotions, traumas, fears, limiting beliefs, memories, or triggers that prevent us from connecting with our soul or our highest self without conditioning, ego, and blocked, stuck bullsh*t.

When we imagine what someone may look like when “purging,” we don’t have to put two and two together to realise that this stage is intense and downright ugly.

We’re plunged into the darkest corners of our mind, our own inner underworld, and our memories so we can unearth all of the things we’ve been avoiding dealing with our entire lives.

This is bound to be emotional. But just like vomit or super uncomfortable flatulence, it’s better out than in. So this is a stage of purging and purifying (in other words, bringing it up so we can expel it) all of the dense and heavy emotions, and then processing (dealing with and working through) them.

Expect to cry a lot. Like a lot, a lot. Seriously. A lot.

Don’t be surprised if you experience fits of rage, tantrums, or catatonic states where you’re on the ground. At this point, you’re so overcome with emotion that your body is experiencing a reaction in the form of physical purging. You’ll be uprooting and remembering things you can’t even understand on a conscious or rational level (some of it may be from past lives).

Don’t try to “understand” what’s happening to you. Instead, just let it all out.

This stage will last for as long as it needs to last. Don’t try to rush it, force it to be over with, or put conditions on how long it takes. It’ll take as long as it needs for you to release everything, learn the lessons, grow as a person, and ultimately overcome what you need to overcome.

This phase is where all of the transformation happens.

Just like diamonds, we need to be placed under intense pressure before we’re able to transform. Also, just know we’ll never be placed under more pressure than we can handle. Our higher selves aren’t sadistic jerks; they just know we’re tougher than we allow ourselves to believe.

If your purging process is getting you down, remember that the harder your purge, the bigger the up level. Instead of looking at it like “I’m bailing, this is too hard,” just imagine how much juicy, juicy growth and transformation you’re going to get out of it.

Phase 4: Integration and embodiment

So many of us get caught up in healing and purging that we forget to actually stop and integrate what we’ve learned to then embody it—live it.

The danger of this is that we believe we’re so fundamentally “broken” and that we need to be in a constant state of healing and purging. We always seek out new ways of healing without actually sitting with what we’ve just healed. Without integrating, the purging is not put to use in a practical way, rendering it pretty useless.

Integrating is where we reflect on everything we’ve just released. We learn the lessons that the universe/god/our guides were trying to teach us. For instance, what karmic pattern we’ve been playing out that we’ve just emotionally released. From there we find a way to put this into practice and embody a newfound version of ourselves, minus the heavy and dense emotion we just worked through.

Sometimes it can feel like not a lot is going on after the purging process. Everything seems like total stillness by comparison, which is all perfectly normal. Not a lot is happening on the surface, but on a soul level we’re integrating the information, meaning our energy, vibration, and timeline is adjusting to reflect what we’ve released.

In this stage we get to pave a new way of being by reflecting on everything we’ve just gone through. We’re able to determine how things are going to look moving forward and how we show up (or no longer show up) on a daily basis.

Lastly, remember that healing is not finite.

This means there is no finish line unless, of course, we choose to stop at a certain point because we feel as though we have healed all there is to heal.

Or we might choose to take a break and appreciate how far we’ve come (which is highly recommended). Healing is incredibly personal and it’s up to each individual to determine when we feel we have reached our limit for a certain period of time.

A wise human knows that evolution is our number one priority and the process of healing allows for transformation and self-improvement. Wise beings understand that our potential is completely uncapped, which means they never prevent a healing process from taking place, or back down from the opportunity to let go of any density that keeps them from reaching their highest expressions of self.

Allow yourself to release whatever is weighing you down; don’t hold onto anything that is making you heavy, small, repressed, angry, resentful, sad, or limited in any way.

Do not be afraid to let yourself die, over and over again, to allow new versions of yourself to be reborn.


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