We are all trying to live the best versions of ourselves in messed up lives.
As I settle into night, my heart aches a little and my soul is on fire for love. This is a contradiction in itself I know.
This writer’s heart is soft and yet full. Writing has become a means to an end, meaning it helps me in this life and let’s me open up to a higher power.
Life is challenging and when we feel like we are in the muck, often this is the cultivation for great things, and yet we feel down, dirty, and stuck.
As night falls, the loneliness sinks into my bones and my heart calls out for courage. I yearn for wisdom and strength to continue to show up being the best version of myself even though things are difficult right now.
As daylight falls and night softens, Rumi’s words fill me and I am pulled out of my somberness:
“Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you. Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion. Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames.”
My heart is open now. I listen and wait for more and read on with intention and desire.
I am reminded that in stillness love speaks and creativity is limitless. I am reminded of the importance of light and listening with an open mind and heart. I am reminded of my soul and the gifts of the Divine.
Loneliness is a recent companion, and I have tried to banish and wash it from my bedclothes and bones yet still in night, loneliness lingers and clings. It becomes a heaviness and weariness that seeps deep beneath my skin.
Rumi whispers, “You asked for wisdom and grace.” I nod in silence. Rumi at my bedside is a new visitation.
The conversations are deep and after meditation and tea, we sit together. I turn the pages, and he reads. I am forever grateful for this connection.
I understand his poetry now more than ever. Yes, I asked for courage too, I mutter and turn on my side to watch the stars and my cat.
What we desire is what we seek and the answers are all within, yes I know. Growth is not without discomfort. Ask any pregnant woman this. Ask any child who is experiencing growing pains and they will tell you this, and yet with age and time we forget. When we get too comfortable we forget. When life is smooth and uneventful we forget. When we get stuck in our ways and in our heads we forget.
Playing small is easier and there is far less risk involved. Soaring requires some flight risks. Fanning the flames is another dangerous event.
I get it though; if I want change and something different, I need to show up differently. I need to be active and present and open. Love is life’s essence and the opposite of fear. Fear is part of this human experience and we can learn to lean in.
Reflecting on pain and difficulty, I offer up my pain and sorrows and feel the arms of love.
Tomorrow might be difficult and today may be too, but love is in everything even if we are not ready to receive or believe, and this my friends is what gets us through.
Good night, dear Rumi. Thank you for being a friend. Now it is time to turn the page, close the book, and sleep.
Love is the universe within.