July 6, 2023

New Love Letters.

Tonight I sit at the keys of my laptop with the intention of writing to you. As I always have—all the letters that I have curated and sent to you have come from the nights sitting in bed thinking out loud on a blank page.

Something is different about tonight, though. I can’t seem to get a letter out, and the words I have to say don’t seem to be ones that I have not already said. They would be repetitive; they would be words that lacked new meaning.

So instead, I intend to tell you what my life feels like right now since we have parted.

My life currently feels like a movie. I have the love story that would be cast with the part of you. I have the travel and relocation bit where I leave my love interest in order to follow my dreams. I have new friends, a thriving business, and the ocean so close I can smell it.

My life feels like it is beyond anything I could have imagined just a short year ago. It feels like an energetic hug as I become present in all the nature, love, and peace surrounding me in each moment.

I’m making moves; I have officially committed to my business in a way that is more than terrifying but also needed. I have committed to myself and the experiences I want to enjoy.

My life feels like a movie. It feels as if I walked onto the set to film a movie about an ambitious woman trying to figure herself out while all along knowing the love of her life is always just steps behind her.

The love is you.

That love of her life would be my love for you, and how with each step I take, I know and am aware of how much support and encouragement I am receiving from you from afar.

See, in this movie, they never fell out of love. They never even got a chance to be together. It was this unspoken knowing on both parts of the feelings that were felt so deep that it was scary. Each of them couldn’t figure out why being together felt like they were meeting themselves in another body.

My life feels so free and so playful. I have this spot over on the west side that I always visit. It’s a place I go to get grounded. To gain presence and perspective. To enjoy the breath of freedom.

Life feels like it may never end—not that I think of it much, but you know when you are so enamored by your experience that the thought of it ending just doesn’t compute as much.

That’s what life feels like.

Like the endless ocean waves moving with the phase of the moon. Like the pollen floating in the slight winds across the fields. Like the leaves rustling in the trees so that it makes a sound but not harshly enough to fall out of the branches.

Life feels like an endless walkway lined with flowers where every step I take opens the peddles of new flourishing growth.

This is what life feels like. Things I may not have told you yet, but something I want to share as within all of this, the love story still exists.

The story hasn’t been completed or even lost. So yes, life feels like a romantic comedy, one where the girl is living the dream life, making mistakes, and even going through a crisis. The man she left behind is not anywhere to be seen until he shows up.

When you show up, I know what I will be able to say.

I will ask you to join me in fun, in the love and flower-lined walkways, at the ocean, and in the trees.

I will invite you to play in the life that has been created so that you can feel the magic of the movie that plays out.

It will be a way for our love to exist in a reality of magic where we create a new story, a new movie where all the letters that I ever sent you now become the stories we keep and maybe share.

This time instead, we rewrite new love letters with words that can only try to comprehend the life that we continue to build together. Love letters that then become vows.


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