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Recently, in a collaborative container, a soul-sister and fellow Yoni Massage Practitioner, Brittany Folsom, shared that she had just now landed in the essence of her “woman,” at 30-plus years of age.
I am 38 years old and I so deeply resonated with her share, knowing that I only felt connected to my woman-ness in the past six months, as well.
According to biology, I became a woman at 15 years old when I first began to bleed. I was sexually active at 17 years old and initiated into motherhood at 27 years old. But I never felt “womanly.” Instead, I felt like a 15-year-old girl playing grown-up and faking her way through adulthood.
It wasn’t until I started to explore who I was as a sensual being that I began to open to the full expression and power of my inner woman: to know my desires, my pleasures, and my worth.
I had to become my own source of a turn-on to be able to fully transition out of my young maiden self and into my woman self. I had to sit in the discomfort of change and growth and release the parts of me that sourced approval, validation, permission, and satisfaction from people and situations external to myself.
As a maiden, I witnessed the pleasure of others, yet kept my own silent.
As a woman, I witness my own pleasure and speak it loudly.
As a maiden, my worth was tangled up with measuring how much attention I was able to get.
As a woman, I know I am worthy of attention and I either claim it or move on.
As a maiden, I gossiped, silently tantrumed, and was addicted to drama.
As a woman, I speak directly, openly, and honestly with those I need to. I avoid gossiping and I am learning to step away from drama and find enjoyment in peace. I’ve shifted from looking externally for validation to looking within myself.
I had to take a grown-up, hard look at myself and step up.
I am raising two daughters and I am on a mission to ensure they know themselves more deeply and intimately than I ever did at a young age. It took me 38 years to be “in my body” and in the full essence of my truth as a woman.
So, what does it mean to be a woman?
A woman is not at the mercy of life. She is at the helm. Her lover is lovingly and firmly grabbing her throat in a passionate embrace because she asked them to, not because she’s allowing their desires to override her own.
A woman is self-aware, self-activated, and incredibly connected to her body—fully, including her sexuality.
A woman embraces her shadow self, knowing that it’s a playground for growth and deeper awareness.
A woman will hold others with unwavering reverence and is free of judgment.
A woman will play, express, dance, sing, and chase her joy—unapologetically.
A woman knows that being self-aware includes her sensuality and pleasure, not just her thoughts and feelings in an attempt to “stay positive.”
If you are reading this article and curious to know how you can find that path to landing in your woman-ness, here are five simple yet powerful ways (IMHER) to unfold into yourself with love and compassion:
1. Indulge. Trust what feels good without judgement. Explore what feels good with more depth. Embrace “yes” more often.
2. Move. Be in your body daily, hourly, and every moment that you can be. Move in the ways that feel good. The only outcome is to feel more connected to your body. Learn how you move and flow. Where does movement feel good, feel stuck, or feel uncomfortable? Observe your body and allow it to communicate with you.
3. Heal. Find people, places, and situations that allow you to let go and detach from cycles and behaviors that aren’t in alignment with stepping into your woman. Take a holistic approach to mind, body, and spirit.
4. Embody. Don’t wait for the right moment to feel like you have arrived in the essence of your woman. In small ways every day start taking action as if you have already embraced her. Create time to learn your desires. Practice compassionate communication, gossip less, and forgive more often.
5. Rest. Rest is productive! Value pause and spaciousness. This will activate your creative juices and allow more space for you to create your desires into reality.
You are calling yourself forward.
Becoming the woman you are destined to be is a choice. Choose her. Choose you.