I’ve written about grief before. Many times.
And that’s because I’ve been faced with it. Many times.
In my experience, grief isn’t something that goes away or even lessens with time. But time can help us find more healing and productive ways to manage our grief.
Ways that allow us to feel the loss without succumbing to it completely.
And whenever I find a new approach to grief, I’m always inspired to share it. Because you never know what tidbit of wisdom or new way of thinking just might save someone from drowning in their pain.
Today, I came across of clip of singer Andy Grammer’s appearance last year on the “Podcrushed” podcast. In the clip, Grammer talks about how he’s learned to manage grief since his mom’s passing in 2009.
He mentions the concept of “going on the offense,” which is something I had never really considered before. But his explanation and the examples he shared of how this method has played out in his life left me feeling happy, sad, and ultimately, hopeful.
Watch the video below (and make sure you have tissues):
@podcrushed Go on offense with grief ? #grief #loss #lossofaparent ♬ original sound – Podcrushed
“I like to go on offense sometimes with grieving. If I see someone that’s the same age as my mother standing in front of me in line, I’ll go on offense and be like, ‘Hey, I lost my mom and I don’t get to buy her stuff, would you mind if I like bought your coffee?’
Right? I like, live that way and when you live that way crazy stuff happens. And you’re just kind of like in the flow and your like putting your tokens in. And the downside of it is that sometimes you look stupid. Sometimes they’re like, ‘It’s really weird man…no.’ But then you’re playing with this openness…
I had this show in Boston and I was getting breakfast near the place, and four ladies walked in that were about the age of my mother. It’s always a little bit delicate because it’s something about when you’re right next to the venue you’re playing, I didn’t want to come off like a big shot but I had this feeling that was like ‘You should go pay for their breakfast.’ So I’m sitting at the table and I’m like, usually I would just do that but just being next to the venue…I don’t know, just feels like I’m trying to brag or something, so I let it go. And then it comes up again, like pretty strong in me, like ‘Yo, you need to go do that.’
Finally, I just give in to it and I walk over and I say, ‘Listen, my mom passed away and one of the things I like to do for her is just pay for women’s breakfast sometimes…women around her age. It would mean a lot to me if you would let me take care of your breakfast this morning.’ And the lady on the left just starts bawling and she says, ‘I lost my son…he’s about your age.’ So we stand up and we’re just like bawling with a stranger.
I dare everyone to live and play with it. Grief doesn’t have to be something that just hits you when you’re not ready for it. I tell everybody that’s going through the loss of someone, like what did they love? Did they love bread? If their thing was to make bread, set days and make bread and give it out.
Go on the offense to be a part of it and get this really sweet feeling of remembering them.”