*You might like to read: The Real Reason Men Date Younger Women.
A recent article by a fellow Elephant Journal writer, titled “The Real Reason Men Date Younger Women,” I found to be both interesting and insightful.
It’s inspired me to write why women date, are attracted to, or fall into relationships with younger men.
Of course this is my perspective and we aren’t all the same, however, having spoken to and read some personal accounts of these relationships, they have a similar feel to what I experienced.
The biggest reveal is that women date younger men for different reasons to why men date younger women.
In the recent article, the writer articulated the ego component in men, how it made them feel more youthful and better about themselves when with a younger woman. How they would be the envy of other men. How younger women were less likely to call them out on their sh*t. And the relationship had a more dynamic power balance in the favour of men.
Whilst I’m sure there are indeed some women who date younger men for these reasons, it’s not nearly as common. Let me explain why.
As women, we are judged far more harshly. Society’s views are from a conditioned perspective: that women in relationships should be younger than their male partner.
Men have been doing this for centuries, and in most cases, it’s seen as normal; women on the other hand are “cougars.” Desperate. Cradle snatchers. Yes, I know we have evolved a little, but still, many women are shamed when with a younger man. So for us, our ego is rarely a reason we find ourselves with a younger partner, because honestly, it’s far more complicated for us to deal with the judgement.
My story is not one of dating younger; it’s one of being in a relationship with one younger man. Now I can’t speak for whether the older men pursue the younger women, or whether it is vice versa, or a mix. But I do know that I have been pursued by quite a few younger men; only once I succumbed to and ended up in a relationship with.
He pursued me. Relentlessly. I wasn’t looking to date anyone, and I certainly wasn’t looking for a younger man. It just happened. It was two people who were highly attracted to each other. Our energies connected. Our sense of humour was similar. We had interesting conversations and banter. We were sexually in sync.
Whilst I’ll admit it was flattering being pursued so passionately by a younger man, I was also incredibly concerned about the age gap. I was worried what people would think. It was something I raised repeatedly with him over the few years we were together, and each time he dismissed my concerns and made it clear it didn’t bother him. I think it’s also important to point out, we were financially in similar places, so that was not a factor in our connection.
So what was it that drew me to him? That created this undeniable connection?
Energetically we matched. We enjoyed doing similar things. We had a lot of fun together and spent hours laughing together. I’m an open person, and I found him to be more open and accepting than older men.
I think this is a huge insight. Older women are more likely in those middle-aged years to want to rediscover themselves. They are more likely to seek therapy. They are more likely to make healthy changes in themselves. They are more likely to question themselves, their past, their life, their beliefs. They are more likely to want to understand their lessons. They are more likely to do the deep work on themselves.
What this results in are older women who have found their confidence, self-belief, and self-love. That potentially makes them attractive, as they radiate these things. They don’t need; they want. They are secure in themselves. Open to new experiences. Their sexual energy has been reawakened. Their love of freedom rekindled.
This perhaps becomes a potent mix for the younger man, but I’ll leave this to the younger man to answer. Any younger men attracted to older women out there, I challenge you to write your perspective on this.
What the younger man offers is a passion and excitement often missing from an older man. They see the less-jaded side of life. There is more awareness about change, and they realise that you can change if you really want to. They ignite the newfound and rediscovered passion in the older woman.
The inner work the older woman has done has inspired a new lease on her outer self, which seems to be more aligned with the younger man than most older men. Oftentimes, the younger man-older woman dynamic has a deep sexual harmony.
Now, I know there will be those of you who read this who disagree. Or have the usual judgement, and that’s your prerogative. It also doesn’t relate to every older woman-younger man relationship, but it’s my story, and it’s also the story of countless older women who have found themselves dating or in relationships with a younger man.
My thoughts around the two dynamics are different. Older men are dating younger women because there perhaps is a fear of getting older. They haven’t done any work on themselves, so the younger women continue to validate them and boost their ego. Older women are falling for younger men because many of us have done a good sh*tload of work on ourselves, and that has led to both healing and growth.
We no longer want a closed-off man. We no longer want someone who holds bitterness or resentment. We no longer want someone who doesn’t value what we have to offer. We want passion. Energy. Self-awareness. Fun. Joy. We don’t need validation because we know our worth. We’re not necessarily looking for a partner and don’t need someone to make us feel good. The younger man often fits with who we are and where we are at in life.
For me, I’ve always been open and honest about my age. I don’t look at age in the physical sense but rather the energetic sense. If I’m drawn to someone energetically, then the age is secondary (of course I’m talking about consenting adults).
Now, I could absolutely be equally drawn to an older man who has these qualities. A man who’s done some inner work and exudes the passion and energy, who’s attractive.
I’m not out looking for a younger man; in fact, I’m not out looking for anyone. I’m happy with myself, but if someone comes along to compliment my life, then I’m open to that.
This is what this younger man did; for a few years, I had those things. He just burst into my life. Unexpectedly. There were other complexities, ones that didn’t involve age, interestingly enough, that ended our union. But what we shared allows me to give some insight from an older woman who was in a relationship with a younger man. And I can say without hyperbole that it had nothing to do with ego. Nothing to do with having a younger guy on my arm. Nothing to do with pursuing a younger man to validate myself. And nothing to do with any sort of power dynamic.
I fell for a younger man because the connection felt right. It felt good. We felt in sync. I loved his passion. He loved my energy. I loved his awareness. He loved my openness. I loved his sense of humour. He loved my wisdom. I loved his desire in me. He loved how we connected on every level. I didn’t need to show him off; in fact, our best moments were those we spent alone, in our cocoon.
And when that time ended, I again decided to go within. Learn. Heal. Grow. I didn’t need or want another younger man, or any man. I didn’t need another notch on my belt to boost my ego. I didn’t need to search for validation.
And that I think is the biggest difference between older women and older men. The ego has gone, and it’s replaced with a depth and veracity of who we truly are.
“An older woman brings wisdom and experience, while a younger man brings enthusiasm and energy. A perfect combination.” ~ Unknown