Holiday peace is not found in searching for “how it used to feel.” It is found in allowing complicated dynamics and humanness.
Holidays especially when spent with young adults, first grandchildren and newly blended families from different cultures are the epitome of “complicated dynamics.”
“Complicated dynamics” is a beautiful, apt, kind and neutral description of the blend of love, hope, good intentions, confusion, disappointment, pride, grief and more love 
that accompanies these gatherings.
that accompanies these gatherings.A wealth of varied emotions always accompanies new life phases.
Holidays add to that.
Time together is short.
Everyone wants it to feel “like it used to.” When” it felt good.” And it is never exactly what they or you hope it would be. It is wonderful and complicated all at the same time.
Everyone is used to their own lives and way of moving through the world. They have expectations of brothers, moms, dads, and grandparents. The other people don’t know what those expectations are. Those with the expectations may not even know what they are.
The others likely aren’t and/or can’t be that person anymore.
New grandparents remember being the young adults and new parents with lofty goals and dreams. After years of living and hard earned wisdom their goals and dreams look very different now.
The young adults and new parents are figuring out how to navigate their new roles.
Everyone wants to be together, to laugh and feel comfortable – “like it used to.” They long for that feeling of relaxed and present togetherness. But it is strangely elusive. And then it’s not.
The dynamics are complicated. There is tension and discomfort hiding around each corner. Everyone has different wishes, desires and comfort zones now.
And then, of course, at the end everyone feels a twinge (or more) of sadness, wishing for more time together. While also looking forward to returning to the simplicity of their own life.
Maybe every other family has it figured out? Or maybe they are just in one of those magic flow moments. The ones that float in and out not Infrequently when you are present enough to feel them.
It is more likely than not they too are experiencing “complicated dynamics.”
Sending love and a hand-to-heart 
to all humans and families everywhere. Being human and loving other humans of different ages and generations is always a “complicated dynamic.”
to all humans and families everywhere. Being human and loving other humans of different ages and generations is always a “complicated dynamic.”
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