It’s been eight months since you left.
I thought I was doing better because I haven’t thought about you for a while. But then, out of nowhere, the memories come flooding back, and it feels like I’m drowning.
I remind myself that “This, too, shall pass.” It always does.
I allow myself the space and time to feel all of my feelings. It’s healthier for me to feel them as they surface instead of ignoring them.
It was during a particularly painful moment that I came across this quote from R.M. Drake. Reading this helps me to feel better. It helps me get back on my way to moving on.
“and no matter how bad it hurts, some people leave to make you stronger, while other times they leave to help you fall in love with yourself.”
Had you not left:
I never would have learned who you really were. I thought I knew you, but I really didn’t. When I think back on it now, I realize that you were just pretending. I don’t think even you knew who you were.
I never would have learned that I deserve so much better. I thought you were the prize and that I had finally won. In truth, it was you who hit the jackpot with me.
I would have continued to accept the bare minimum. I would have accepted all of the broken plans. I would have accepted the way you disregarded my feelings. I would have accepted being lower and lower on your list of priorities.
I would have continued making excuses for you and your sh*tty behavior. I would have continued rationalizing your behavior to myself and to my friends. I would have continued saying it was okay when it was not.
I would not have learned that another person cannot make me whole again. That responsibility is, and has always been, mine and mine alone. I never should have expected that of you.
I would still be loving you more than I love myself. The truth is, I need to love myself more than anyone else.
So, thank you. Thank you for leaving. Thank you for breaking my heart. Thank you for showing me your true colors. You opened up my eyes. You opened up my heart. You made it possible for me to find someone else—someone who truly deserves me and my love.