February 21, 2024

How to Handle Being Vilified.


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I remember the first time I was publicly vilified quite well.

I had written my second book, Getting Out of Debt Joyfully, which had been translated into about 12 languages at the time (it is now in 17 languages), and it is my personal story of going from nearly $200,000 of debt into financial wealth using the tools of Access Consciousness.

Waking up in Italy one morning, I discovered a frenzy of phone calls and messages from my PR agent and others on my team who were freaking out.

They were all in Australia, which meant that they had become aware of a media release hours before I was awake. From a public platform, some guy wrote an article describing my book as snake oil. If you are not familiar with that term, basically snake oil means full of lies. He mocked the advice I was giving regarding finances and of how to get out of debt. He discredited my credentials. He was quite ruthless.

My first response? To freak out too.

My book that he was referring to in the article was written with vulnerability. It was stories of where I stumbled and fell and how I picked myself up again.

Being blasted with judgement was intense. I said to my PR agent, “Just let me go have a shower. I just need a moment.”

In that moment of looking at what was occurring, I had clarity, “I am okay. This is my story. I use the tools I talk about. They work. They changed my whole financial reality. Nobody knows me or my life like I do, and I know what is true for me.”

The guy who posted the article has the point of view that my book is snake oil. That is his point of view. He is allowed to have his point of view, but I do not have to buy his point of view as real and true. I know what is real and true for me.

I rang my PR agent back. She said there would be a lot of media requesting interviews and they would be attempting to vilify me even more. I said, “That’s okay. I know what I am choosing for me, and who knows? Someone might hear an interview, pick up my book, and change their financial reality too.”

Recent events have brought more vilification of me to the forefront. As Brené Brown eloquently said in a TED talk, “If you are not in the arena getting your ass kicked on occasion, I am not interested in or open to your feedback. There are a million cheap seats in the world today filled with people who will never be brave with their own lives but will spend every ounce of energy they have hurling advice and judgement at those of us trying to dare greatly. Their only contributions are criticism, cynicism, and fearmongering. If you’re criticizing from a place where you’re not also putting yourself on the line, I’m not interested in your feedback.”

That pretty much sums it up. And, thanks to Access Consciousness and my own awareness, I have the tools to deal with it.

If you are one of the brave ones in the arena, creating the life you desire, it’s not if you will receive judgement; it’s when. My question to you is: how are you going to handle it?

Having, uncomfortably at times, walked this path, here are five tips I want to share with you:

1. Start Liking You

Most people spend their entire life trying to be liked or to be like others. What if you gave that up and started liking you? Ask yourself the question, “Who do I think of before I choose?” Most people think of their kids, spouses, parents, business partners, and so on. What if you stopped doing that and made yourself a priority. This doesn’t mean you separate from these people or exclude them from your lives. Rather, it means you include you too.

2. Look at the Bigger Picture 

What is the bigger picture for you? What are you here for? What lights you up? What future do you desire for yourself, for others, and for the planet? When you listen to the haters, you must make yourself as small as their tiny little world is. Is that really where you want to live?

One day, I had a lot of friends pinging me and asking if I was okay because they had been reading social media and the various things being said. Normally, I don’t bother to look, but this night I did.

As I was going to sleep, I realized how insane this all is. There are currently people drinking sea water in Gaza in order to survive…real life struggles…while these other people are spending their time being cruel, mean, and unkind on social media over things that are insignificant and untrue. That is their choice.

Everybody gets to choose and the question for me is: “What do wish to choose?”

When I ask this question, I quickly remember that I desire to choose what will create a greater future for us all…and suddenly a few haters and their tiny realities mean nothing.

3. Spend More Time Doing What You Love 

What is joyful for you? Stop referencing other people for how you choose your life. What do you love to do? What makes you come alive? What is it you would like to create as your life that has so much joy? Make this your focus.

4. Relax

Relax, relax, relax. I went for a walk today in one of the national parks that is right near my house. Usually, I would have walked a bit and then I would have run so I could sweat and have more of a workout. On this day, I slowed it all down and walked and walked and walked. I tapped into the beauty of nature all around. I enjoyed the sounds, the smells, the creatures.

When you choose from the space of relaxation, everything in your life gets easier. Don’t force your life. Live it.

5. Understand that Judgement is Not Real 

Gary Douglas, founder of Access Consciousness, once said to me that when he realized that judgement was nothing but this big black dark hole and that it wasn’t real, he made the demand of himself that he would stop judging himself and he would stop judging anyone—ever.

I would like to invite you to do the same. What would your life be like if you stopped judging you, stopped judging others, stopped judging anything?

When you are not judging, your awareness opens so much more, and you have clarity that is not accessible otherwise. There might be times that you get angry, frustrated, or panicky about certain topics. The next time that shows up, stop, take a big breath, and ask, “If I wasn’t judging this and if I wasn’t making judgement real, what am I aware of?”

Is it now time to stop holding yourself back for anyone? To let go of the fear of judgement, and claim and live the life you desire? No matter what?

This is your life. This is not a dry run. Everyone has a choice, and their choice creates what their life will be.

What will you choose?


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