February 6, 2024

Self-Care or Self-Absorption? Finding Balance on the Spiritual Path.


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I’ve been on the roller coaster of friendships with some so-called spiritual buddies who bail when I’m drowning. Like, “Sorry, my energy’s off.” Or “Sorry, Mercury is in retrograde.” Or friends who could not handle a divergence in opinion and send me on the ghost lane for having shared a different view or a feeling.

And, yes, that hurt. I didn’t feel like sunshine and rainbows on all those occasions, but let’s ride the wave.

To me, it is a great honour to be that trusted friend who can hold space, listen to someone’s challengingly raw experience. I’ve been set on respecting that. Most of the time. Sure, there were times I put my foot down and said, “Look, you need more than a friend; you need a therapist.”

And maybe I’ve been riding that commitment a bit too hard, even in the midst of my chaos, and that is why I am so disappointed when help is not reciprocated. I might need to unflex the “holding space” muscle.

Now when I see someone on the self-awareness train refusing to lend a hand because their vibes are off, I’m genuinely torn. Is it emotional maturity shining through, or are they just subtly being self-absorbed?

In this mad pursuit of inner zen and opening our hearts, we’re stuck in this paradox. Can you really rock self-care while aiming for “oneness” or a more compassionate world? The line between legitimate self-love and getting lost in our own vibe is a fine one I guess, testing us to question and reshape those boundaries.

Balancing act, it is, my friend (calling in my inner yoda).

Some cultures and religions bash you for prioritizing yourself, like selflessness is the Holy Grail. But going all out, neglecting your needs for the sake of others or their idea of who you should be—that’s a slippery slope to resentment and unhappiness.

For some western cultures, the religion is the self and it’s all about prioritizing yourself, your success, your wealth regardless of anything or anyone else and the planet—that is also a slippery slope to loneliness, anxiety, and self-destruction.

Life’s all about finding that sweet spot. Mastering the art of being self-aware without flipping into a self-absorbed being is a fine art. I’m all in for self-care, and I believe it is not selfish. As an empowerment coach, I’m all about guiding women to embody self-love, however, without making it all about them. Because it is not. On this wild spiritual journey, there’s this moment when your heart and throat chakras are in sync and open and you’re spreading out your gifts, your time, your kindness. Because they are not gifts if not shared. And because life feels fuller that way.

I don’t always bring this perfect, zen energy to all my yoga classes or coaching sessions. I’ve got rituals to ground myself and raise my energy before sessions, but if my vibe’s a bit off, I’m not cancelling. I’m there. Imperfect but present. Same with friendship.

Don’t get sucked into this illusion that the hours you clock in meditation or at some mind-bending workshop determine your impact and worth as a spiritual being. To me it’s about how you show up in the real world—with your family, friends, and kids. Being there for a friend brave enough to admit they’re feeling like crap. Showing up for the peeps facing life’s small or heavy punches.

Let’s steer clear of that pit of turning too inward, where it’s all about you, and love becomes this abstract concept. Love for each other, love for life, and the bonds we build.

Here’s a tip for you if you’re a bit out of sync right now and a friend of yours needs help: reflect on the support you can bring, even if you’re not riding high on energy. Maybe it’s just saying, “Hey, I’m here.” Maybe it is a phone call, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, truly listen.

There are so many ways to help even if you’re not at your peak. People need presence and understanding, especially when life’s giving them the finger.

Remember, even in your moments of dragging sluggishness, a tiny act of kindness can hit someone’s heart so deeply and make the world of difference for that person. And truly, it might also make you feel better (oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine booster my friend).

Yes lots of passion in this one.

Let’s do this.


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