In my experience, many women like to be ‘taken’ sexually –  but only by a man of her choice at a time that’s right for her. And she needs to be sure he won’t harm her when she’s made herself vulnerable to him – in other words, to feel a rare combination of surrender and safety.

I think part of the reason a woman gives her partner the responsibility for initiating sexual activity is so she can be free of any guilt she may have about connecting fully with that part of her life. So she wants a man who is sexually enthusiastic rather than timid, but who also understands that if he enters her, or her life, it must always be with her consent.

I understand why it might be difficult for a woman to share these apparently contradictory needs for safety and surrender, at least partly because of the risk of them being confused with a wish to be dominated sexually without her permission – which is the very opposite of what she wants. To make it more complicated, even men who are committed to gender equality  are socially programmed, and I think testosterone encourages us, to compete with other men for a woman’s attention, increasing the risk of  pursuing an opportunity for sex without being completely sure whether our advances are welcomed or not.

Another confusion for men is women who dress in ways that seem to exaggerate their sexual body parts but feel upset when they think they are being ‘objectified’. I think it’s understandable why a man might feel that the reason a woman is accentuating her breasts and her behind, for example, is to attract his attention. This may or may not be true, but in any case, we need to remember that a woman’s dress style in no way dilutes  her right to decide who, if anyone, she goes to bed with.

A woman’s simultaneous wish for her sexuality to be appreciated, and for her humanity to be seen and respected, is something some men seem to find hard to accept and respond to. And it can feel difficult for them to express how we feel about this apparent contradiction in a woman’s needs and actions without being suspected of having a hidden agenda to take advantage of or control her wish for more sexual freedom.

For this reason, some men are drawn to the comfortingly simple gender stereotypes of the past, when men always took the lead in a relationship and women were expected to be passive participants; or the dominating stance suggested  by the likes of misogynists like Andrew Tate.

But I believe that a man who is confident enough in himself to encourage his partner to share full responsibility for their sexual activities, at the same time as taking the lead when it seems to be what she wants and would feel comfortable with, will have a bigger chance  that that she will respect and accept him in a way that will bring harmony and peace to all aspects of their relationship.

My hope for the coming year is that gender equality and solidarity of all kinds between men and women will continue to grow. I think an essential step in this process will be for more women share and be guided by their true feelings about love and sex, and for more men step up to help create an environment in which it’s safe to do that, which will result in better lovemaking for everyone.