March 20, 2024

Spring is a Painful Opening from Winter—& then it Flowers.

A year ago today, I first met Winfield (with his 10 siblings, some of which we’re still playpartners with) on a random walk west after brunch at Leaf with Fenberg and his kidzoes. Soul Dog Rescue was hosting a popup at Arcteryx.

I fell in love with Winnie, and his golden eyes and silly ears, but was depressed still post-breakup and post-Redford passing away, painfully, over 3 months following a surgery-gone-wrong. I wasn’t sure I was ready.

I biked north to meet with best buddy Duzer, told him about Winnie. And on my return, I met up with Daniel Epstein and his aged dog, who had been buddies with Reddy. We went for a dogwalk. Daniel said “yes, let’s go check out this puppy you’re in love with” and seeing us together immediately got us to all go for a walk and he facetimed his wife Leticia (I’ll be there in 5 minutes, she said) and they pushed me to adopt Winnie.

I wanted to, but it’s a 15-year commitment, and emotionally I needed the push to get out of my heavy-grief.

I’d just done Ayahuasca Ceremony with Miguel and Yetta, hosted by a shaman I’d interviewed, and cried for hours the day before. I was ready, barely, to open up to Spring, and Life, again.

A year later, Winfield is my best buddy, I’m in love, I’m joyful again and healed and learned much.

“When spring came, even the false spring, there were no problems except where to be happiest. The only thing that could spoil a day was people and if you could keep from making engagements, each day had no limits. People were always the limiters of happiness except for the very few that were as good as spring itself.”
~ Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast

“To find the air and the water exhilarating…to be thrilled by the stars at night, to be elated over a bird’s nest or a wildflower in spring—these are some of the rewards of the simple life.” ~ John Burroughs

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
~ C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

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More photos of the pups: @waylonlewis 

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