{*Did you know you can write on Elephant? Here’s how—big changes: How to Write & Make Money or at least Be of Benefit on Elephant. ~ Waylon}

When a friend of mine told me that he wanted to marry the woman he had cheated on, I was shocked.

He thought that marriage would help him to settle down and…to stop seeking other women. I remember that conversation like it was yesterday. Although they are married today, the idea of thinking that marriage is a cure for infidelity irritates me.

Because let’s be honest. Marriage is not a magic pill that solves our intimate problems and heals our traumas. We think that marriage is a mandatory step in any loving, committed relationship; it’s not. Those who consciously choose not to get married are also in healthy, happy relationships.

So what’s the point of marriage? Is it even necessary?

I’ve only been married for five years, but if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that marriage is necessary only if you think it’s not.

Yep, you heard me right. If marriage in your relationship is necessary to cure your loneliness, make you whole, or improve your mental health, your marriage might end up being a burden.

Those three quotes by Vex King explain it perfectly:

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Vex King | Self-love Writer (@vexking)

“The best time to get married is when marriage won’t make a difference to your relationship. Marriage isn’t an upgrade or a repair shop—it won’t fix what’s missing. So, before the ring arrives, make sure your relationship thrives. Allow marriage to be an evolutionary step and celebration of what you’ve already built together.”

“If you are considering the idea of marriage, do it because you see a future with someone, not because you’re alone, unhappy, feeling left out or pressured by parents. Marriage doesn’t take all of your troubles away; it often amplifies internal conflicts. So pick your life partner carefully.”

“A wedding, a baby, a holiday, a new house, a move abroad—none of these will fix the problems in a relationship. You can only heal a relationship from the inside out, with honesty, vulnerability and a mutual desire to do the work. Skip the extravagant emotional band-aids and bare your hearts to each other instead.”

Before we get married, we need to make sure we marry the right person for the right reasons. As King says, marriage doesn’t take our troubles away. It doesn’t solve the problems of life. Marriage isn’t the goal of love; however, love should be the goal of marriage.

Simply put, when our relationship is strong enough, beautiful enough, healthy enough, happy enough, we make the big step and marry for love—not anything else.

~