Falling in love is hard.

You put yourself out there and trust a total stranger with your heart without having a clue what will happen.

So we act out of fear to avoid heartbreak and pain. But sometimes pain is unavoidable, and no matter how hard we try to dodge impending breakups, we might find ourselves in the middle of an ugly one.

Some people keep choosing the wrong partners, which eventually leads to the death of any “great” relationship. While this may be partially true, I think we need to question our own ways too…

How are we falling in love?

The way we love can change the way we live and connect with the world. For me, Buddhism has revolutionized my relationship. Throughout the years, I’ve learned to love like a Buddhist.

With the right tools, we can transcend cultural behaviors and debunk many relationship myths that often hurt us. Furthermore, you don’t need to be a Buddhist to practice Buddhist wisdom, as the Buddha’s teachings are universal.

Here’s how to fall in love mindfully:

You realize that your partner’s happiness matters. When we’re in a relationship, we’re prone to focus on what the other person has to offer us. We focus on our own happiness, without realizing that our partner’s happiness matters too. In Buddhism, seeking happiness for others is fundamental. More importantly, we might not be (and shouldn’t be) the sole source of our partner’s happiness. We simply contribute to their overall happiness while also focusing on ours.

You practice detachment without withdrawal. We fear the word “detachment” because it’s often associated with disconnection and apathy. In Buddhism, detachment is an important teaching that can help us to build meaningful and genuine relationships. We don’t really detach from our partner; we detach from our expectations, fears, limitations, misconceptions, and the need for certainty. We let things flow and embrace the beauty of our relationship.

You understand that you can’t control your partner. Buddhists believe that control is an illusion. It’s often impossible (and hard) to control situations and people, as they’re constantly changing and moving. When we realize that it’s futile to exert control over our partner, we instantly become happier and more in tune with life’s natural flow. Our partner will always be growing and evolving, so we should release the need to turn them into someone they’re not.

You extend your love and empathy to others. Love is a universal experience that goes beyond romance. We share love with our community, family, friends, careers, goals, pets, ideas, life, places, and so on. Being in love with someone shouldn’t stop us from sharing the inherent love that’s within us with the rest of the world. Buddhists like to extend their unconditional empathy for all beings equally without losing themselves in love.

You’re aware of impermanence. We all know that our time on Earth is short-lived, but we rarely act upon it. When you really understand that you can’t live forever and that all things in life are impermanent, you stop fixating on unnecessary conflicts and start appreciating your current experiences. You allow the idea of impermanence to transform you and your relationship.

You examine yourself spiritually. For any relationship to work, both partners must be willing to do regular check-ins with themselves. According to Buddhism, self-examination is an essential part of our love toward others, as we can’t genuinely love someone unless we genuinely love ourselves. We should frequently reflect on our actions, words, and reactions, and observe how they might be impacting our partner. True love starts within—never without.

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