Preening. Peacocking. Swaggering. Strutting. Posing. Grandstanding. Parading. Flaunting. Some of the words used traditionally to describe how the male species often try to get the attention of the female species, including men.

It’s human nature.

But what we are really only starting to notice, especially with the explosion of the manosphere who proclaim themselves as “alpha” and are drowning in misogyny, is that these words also describing how many men are scrambling to get the attention of other men.

Even their desire for an attractive woman on their arm is a tool to garner the attention of other men, to please and impress other men, as they parade her around like an accessory. “Look at me.”

Whilst these type of straight men are heterosexuals because they engage in sex with women only, almost all that pertains to love these men reserve for other men. Let me explain: the ones they admire, adore, respect, idolise, form attachments to and try and imitate are overwhelmingly other men. Take a quick look at the manosphere and you will see it clearly and repeatedly. They have a desperate need for validation from other men. They want, or rather expect, devotion, service, and sex from women but have other men up on a pedestal. They fawn for other men. The term often used here is homosocial.

And here’s something that’s going to knock the wind out of these types of men. These men who believe they’re “high value,” “alpha,” and “leader” are submissive. Yes, submissive. They are performative. Their whole existence is to submit to the requirements and standards they believe other men hold. It’s posturing, and it’s sadly pathetic. It’s a desperate need of the weak to be seen and noticed by the ones they see as male authority. The insecure men with a despairing need to control women lack skill, power, control, emotional maturity, confidence, or the ability to lead a dance or a conversation, let alone lead anything or anyone else are always submissive to other men.

Everything they do. Everything they say. Is to grab the attention from other men. A gaggle of insecure men, submitting to each other, over and over again in some desperate attempt to be relevant.

We women repeatedly are told that we want men over six feet, who are “jacked up” and wealthy. The voices of women constantly disagree with this, but it doesn’t silence this crowd because the truth is these are men consistently preening to the ideologies and beliefs of other men. They don’t actually care what women are saying. These men are trying to get “jacked” and obtain more wealth for one reason and one reason only, and that’s to impress other men. Because it sure ain’t impressing women. To somehow raise their “alpha” status. Showing off their body, status, and money is rarely attractive to self-aware and emotionally mature women, but it’s attractive to the weak and insecure men they are preening to.

Whilst women are blamed, this isn’t about women; it’s about other men. A begging, if you will, of men to fit into the pack.

And when it doesn’t work, women are the problem. When the women don’t flock to the “jacked” body or the wealth being flaunted that these men are told women want by other men, these men become more angry. Disenfranchised. Disillusioned. And instead of looking at the source of the information, perhaps actually speaking to a real woman, or doing some reflection, they double down. They remain stuck in this unhealthy cycle, which feeds their need to control. Feeds the entitlement they think they deserve. Feeds the audacity they display. They are unable to accept rejection. Never happy. And desperately fawning to be like other weak men showing their attributes. All the while women are screaming “this is not what we want.” But it continues to fall on deaf ears.

Submission takes on a whole new meaning doesn’t it?

“Women leave men who are vulnerable,” I hear men say. No, no, most women absolutely do not. Women leave when men use them as an emotional punching bag. When men expect them to be their full-time therapist rather than seeking professional help. When men cannot or will not do the work to learn how to emotionally regulate. Vulnerability is about honesty and openly speaking about your feelings and seeking the appropriate professional support needed. Weakness is expecting your partner to shoulder the burden of your emotional and mental health without helping yourself. They are two different things.

Whilst there is a plethora of these misogynistic alpha men submitting to the manosphere, there are also a growing number of emotionally healthy men calling the behaviour out. Trying to appeal to those who are falling into the trap. There are also a group of men who found their way out of the manosphere once they realised the real world is not the world being projected online. When they’ve spoken to women and realised that most women are not like what’s being portrayed and started questioning the content they were consuming, they realised it was detrimental to their lives. Sadly, because they refuse to submit to the insecure manosphere men, they are called a range of names. Another submission from these weak men, who act in packs, trying to impress each other.

Imagine being strong enough to take a step back, reflect, and recognise the toxicity, insecurity, misery, and projections whilst refusing to submit to the nonsense, and then being labeled as weak. While the true weak ones continue to preen and peacock for each other to fit in.

The truth is secure men don’t behave this way. They find partners they are personally attracted to and connect with. They genuinely love women. They don’t care what other men think. They look after their body for their health and how it makes them feel; they’re not parading around the gym trying to impress and get the attention of other men. They submit to their partner in an equal and healthy relationship, not to other men. They don’t need the approval of other men. Why would they, when they are happy and fulfilled? They are out there living their lives, not angrily blaming women for their lot in life.

This will anger the misogynistic alpha man who sees himself as a leader. Who sees himself as someone women desire. Who sees himself as strong and fearless. Yet here he is hating and disrespecting women, the very thing he’s physically attracted to, whilst simultaneously preening to other men. He’s weak. He’s submissive. He needs the approval of other men. He has a stunted emotional intelligence and capacity. He’s bitter. Resentful. Unattractive, no matter what he physically looks like. His energy is repulsive. He is insecure. And no matter what other men tell him or what he tells himself, he is lonely and severely unhappy.

And here’s another newsflash: they attract the exact opposite of the women they are actually seeking. In other words, the women they say they despise, are the very women they attract. And the women they desire for a long-term relationship won’t go near them. It’s a vicious cycle and perpetuates their anger toward women. When all you have to offer is some money and muscles, they will attract shallow women, with the same emotional capacity and intelligence, using them the way they are being used. And still they blame women for their inadequacies and inability to self-reflect, change, and grow.

It’s a sad world for these men. Fighting for the attention and validation of other men.

And in all the hyperbole and nonsense being spouted by these men, if they simply put that focus and effort into working on themselves to grow into emotionally intelligent men, they may actually attract a woman they truly care about, through being authentic, caring, respectful, secure in themselves, and confident, rather than preening to other insecure men; maybe, just maybe, they will finally find fulfilment and happiness. Or perhaps they could simply remain single, leave women alone, and continue submitting to other men in their toxic cage of bitterness.

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