I remember the day our first grandchild was born.

A new life came into our family. A baby boy who was going to change how I viewed myself and our family as a whole.

There was so much to anticipate. What would I learn from him? What gifts would appear as a result of his birth? How could I contribute to his life in a way that would love and support him?

Six more grandchildren joined our family over the next seven years. What a beautiful experience to welcome each one and get to know them with their individual personalities.

I didn’t grow up with my grandparents close by. I only saw them occasionally for short periods, and I remember feeling awkward and unsure of how to relate to them when we visited them. I wondered about my relationship with my grandchildren. Would I be a grandmother who they felt comfortable with? How could I nurture my relationship with them?

Turns out that my grandchildren taught me about love and connection.

This happened as they showed me the magic of slowing down and the fascination in noticing things that I often rushed past. There was the joy of discovering beauty in a raindrop sliding down the window, or a butterfly in the garden. When I was with them, there was laughter, cuddling, tickling, and singing together. They brought play, curiosity, and their imaginations to our interactions. When I was with them, I was in the moment and present and alive to each thing that was happening.

There were endless hours of stories. It didn’t matter that the book had already been read. In fact, the repetition and their anticipation of what came next added to the fun.

Ordinary activities became special as I saw things through their eyes. I gained a new appreciation for the feel of sand running through my fingers at the beach. Finding a crab under a rock was a scary and exhilarating event. We built sand castles and then watched as the waves swept them away. There were tears and questions “why?” These moments prepared me for the times when bigger losses came into their lives. Their other grandpa died suddenly. I cried with them and we read books about dying and missing their beloved grandpa. I was showing them that tears are good, and that loss hurt me too. And, we could comfort each other.

There is nothing sweeter than having my grandchild run into my arms and with a big hug say the words, “I love you, Grandma.” During COVID-19, my littlest grandson couldn’t understand why he had to wave hello rather than get a hug. He would look at me longingly and say, “Oh, I miss our hugs, Grandma.” My eyes filled with tears as I told him, “So do I.” This was another example of my grandchild showing me how to love.

Traditions and rituals have become important as we nurture our relationship with our grandchildren. One event is a birthday dinner at a special restaurant with the birthday person and Grandma and Grandpa. This time alone with a grandchild has become a treasure of legacy, fun, and celebration. We enjoy hearing what they are up to, and what they are looking forward to in their new year. We always take a special photo that makes it to the “Kitchen Windowsill” where all the framed grandchildren photos take pride of place.

My husband and I have always loved hiking and this has continued with our children and grandchildren. One of my values is to model a healthy, vibrant, and active life for my family. They enjoy hearing about my weight lifting goals, and are proud of me when I share my progress. As we hike, swim, and cycle together, I am grateful for the pleasure of being able to play with my grandchildren in this way. They graciously wait for me at the rest stops on a big hike, and we marvel at the beauty of the ocean and mountains together. I am inspired by their energy and zest for life.

Our grandchildren are developing their own interests and friendships as they complete high school and head off to further education and jobs. I think back to the loss I felt when I experienced the empty nest with my own children. I didn’t expect to feel this with my grandchildren! I miss them as they move on in their lives. I know that this is a natural part of life and I want to celebrate their adventures without holding them back. Deep down I know that they will not forget how much I love them, and that they can come back for a visit any time.

As I reflect on my almost 20 years of being a grandmother, I am reminded of how much I have learned along the way.

1. Acceptance of myself for being the kind of grandmother that I am.

I struggled with insecurity and a lot of questions about my role when I first became a grandmother. It seemed there must be a “perfect way” to be, and I didn’t know what that was. With time, I realized that comparing myself to others led to frustration. I now know that comparison is the thief of joy. It robs me of confidence, creativity, and connection. As I showed up authentically, I relaxed and fell in love with being a grandma. I focused on what brought me pleasure and my energy was welcoming and playful. I got to know other grandmothers and we supported each other as challenges and new stages in this unfamiliar path showed up.

2. Acceptance of my grandchildren’s other grandparents.

I have learned that each family has their traditions and values, and that there is not just one way to relate to our grandchildren. I have come to celebrate the fact that my grandchildren have another set of grandparents who love them as much as I do, and want the best for them. We have the opportunity to collaborate as we schedule play dates and special occasions. This leads to a rich relationship with my grandchildren and their other grandparents.

3. Change is a fact of life.

Just as I settled in to a certain rhythm in my role as grandmother, it seemed that things shifted. My grandchildren started school, or they became more definite in their preferences at meal times. They used to enjoy a certain activity and suddenly they didn’t. I learned to get curious and listen for what was important to them rather than push my agenda. I read a book many years ago, titled Necessary Losses by Judith Voirst. The biggest lesson for me as I read this was to notice the endings that occurred in life. As my grandchildren grew older, I missed holding them in my arms and rocking them to sleep. Now, they are leaving home for adult adventures, and I long for the days of baking cookies or colouring together. Endings are a necessary part of growth. As I mark the significance of an ending and admit my sadness, I am ready to welcome the next chapter.

4. I have learned that my grandchildren are resilient and capable.

They are open to asking for help and they have learned so much already. I am proud of their focus and willingness to work hard to reach their goals. These are our future leaders, and I have every confidence in them. I am honoured to be their grandmother, and I am grateful for each of them.

Thank you for sharing with me as I took a walk down memory lane. I feel blessed and oh so fortunate to have the privilege of being a grandmother.

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