Life happens when we’re busy making other plans.
It did for me, at least.
Four years ago, after a lifetime of anxieties and feeling a disconnection of sorts, my ‘life’ as it was fell apart.
I suddenly became homeless whilst unemployed.

One thing led to another, and serendipity took me hundreds of miles from the comfort zone of friends and family to a new area, and with the help of some truly amazing people, I spent that first Christmas warm and comfortable.
When the new year came, I found a room with a local charity.

After some months, I finally ventured out of my room to engage in some of the activities provided to help residents better themselves, among which was a mindfulness group.
Attending these sessions made me look at myself in a completely new manner from that which I had done previously, and a niggling concern about underlying issues was highlighted to the point that I couldn’t sweep it under the rug any longer.

I decided to arrange an appointment with a psychologist who, after a number of appointments, gave me a diagnosis of Aspergers syndrome (it was a week before my 44th birthday).

Receiving this diagnosis wasn’t shocking or surprising in the least, but it brought me a sense of understanding to the various moments in my life which eventually led to now.

From then on, I used the wealth of ideas from the mindfulness groups to focus a light on those aspects of mine which contribute detrimentally to my progression in life, and try to reinforce them through determined positive thoughts and deeds.

I made an effort to force myself into situations and environments which caused me great anxiety, took part in activities and looked at opportunities with which I could become more confident, without the years of manufactured ‘masks’ to make life a pleasant place to be.

I started volunteering at the hostel, helping here and there whenever I could, mostly to keep active mentally and physically, until just over a year ago, when I moved into my flat.
I became aware of another local charity whilst looking for a local aspie social group (which there isn’t), and I started volunteering for them, too.
Out of the blue, and with their valued help, I somehow found myself forming a community interest company, with which I try to help provide a beneficial source of inspiration with access to a library of musical instruments (it’s small but growing).

And it’s all thanks to mindfulness.
Had I not joined that group, taken that breath, my life might still be confined to the limits I had restricted myself to.
With it, I have found a channel to be the best me I can.

I still find myself in the now uncommon labyrinth of  anxieties and depression, but that’s more a case of my old subconscious mind expecting the defeats I’d previously allowed it.

Knowing that hazards are surmountable, that there are routes which reveal themselves to scrutiny and determination, and that there are some spectacularly decent people out there is such a great inspiration to keep looking inside (to keep trying to grow), and my gratitude to all those who helped in my growth almost demands an obligation to both pay it back and to pay it forward.

And it all came from the moments between thoughts and actions, where possibilities lay and dreams may grow.

I’m loving the journey I’m on right now, but I think I can still do better.