Have you ever felt just raw anger, for seemingly no reason? I’m mostly angry, maybe that’s a trait of being a pitta dominant person but there it is. I feel love, I feel joy and contentment, all the other emotions too. I’m mostly a very emotional person, even though I may seem to be cut off from my emotions. Oh contraire, I feel them to the Nth degree, but I observe them, feel them out, see how I can act instead of react and move forward there. I also look for a better feeling place before responding so to avoid much recourse from my anger/or whatever emotion I’m feeling too much of at that moment. Sanatana Dharma(you call it HInduism) would say it’s from the karma of another lifetime being born out in this one, Abraham (Hicks, no, not the biblical one) would say karma (or law of attraction as they call it) doesn’t carry over from one lifetime to another, it is constantly happening whether in a body, or not and drawing to you whatever energy you’re putting out there. Seth (a precursor to Abraham in the channeling field) says all lifetimes are playing out at once, since there is no such thing as linear time and so the anger could be from another life you’ve lived in another body in what seems like another time period, but it’s really happening now, so you’ve likely tapped into the energy of that lifetime when asleep, or daydreaming and felt that back into this lifetime, in this body and so there it is. This is all because there seems to be no reason for this anger in this moment, in this body. But does all the stuff we don’t register as traumatic apply? Such as being raised in a Baptist church, told how bad dancing is, rock music is, being gay is too much to even talk about how the horrors of hell await you, even thinking of some of these things. Which carries over into real life, so school people are talking about the “fag” and how skinny that one is, how delicate he is, etc. All to find out they’re talking about you, and you’re like, what? I dont’ even know these things about myself, how are they thinking they know? I like art, but I’m not terribly effeminate. I’m also not terribly masculine, or good at sports, so that’s part of it I’m sure, I have a lot of acquaintance type friends, know a lot of people, but don’t really have any certain clique I fit in with, so that is likely another part of it. But really, I don’t know. Do those little things, like this and many other things, affect us as we bury it all away and deny it exists? Probably, but enough to make an angry/emotional type person out of it? Maybe, but who knows.
What I do know is I try my best to not act out with those emotions to others, whether I do a good job of that or not I cannot say. Some of my friends might agree, some will vehemently not I’m sure…lol. But it’s what I can do. Feel the emotion coming up, observe how it’s affecting me at that moment. Also use the energy of those emotions in my meditation, in my chanting, in my asana practice, let them burn away through tapas. Also, offer them up to Kali, to God, to the universe, whatever words makes you feel the best as long as it’s something bigger than yourself. Allow the feeling of them to move through the body and out through the hands, or down into the earth, there are numerous ways to do it. Also to dive into each emotion and allow it to take you over, to feel it as fully as possibly until it burns itself out and leaves you. Therapy may be the best option for you too, not poopooing it at all. Whatever each individual being notices works for them is okay, as long as it involves working through it.
Each time I chose a different tool mostly, whatever instinct tells me will work for that thing that is building up in me. Today I feel a lot and a big heat within which I think was stirred up from so much temple time yesterday, it causes the energy to move up the chakras, and from a good practice this morning, but also from my friend leaving and me realising I’m here alone again, with not too many people to talk to. So I processed by chatting on the phone with two friends, video chatting with another, texting with 5 different people including two who were negotiating receiving Thai bodywork from me and typing here, writing in my journal and watching an emotional documentary about Val Kilmer. It helped, all of it, and I feel better, but worn out so I imagine I’ll sleep well tonight and it’s back to work tomorrow.
Anyway, thanks for helping me process my shit (by you reading this it becomes cathartic and hence allows me a sense of relief when others identify with your stuff), I really appreciate it!
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