{*Did you know you can write on Elephant? Here’s how—big changes: How to Write & Make Money or at least Be of Benefit on Elephant. ~ Waylon}

It’s 9 p.m. and you’re on the couch cuddling.

It’s been a long, tiring day, so you’ve been looking forward to it. You can’t decide what to watch, but at least you know what you want to have for dinner.

You’re having a peaceful conversation. You’re holding hands. You’re kissing. You’re laughing. Then you tell each other about your day and something goes awfully wrong.

The conversation gets too complicated that you lose track after the first couple of sentences. You’re not kissing. You’re not holding hands anymore. You were supposed to watch a movie, have dinner, and snuggle. Instead, you find yourself in the middle of a heated argument that you can’t easily stop.

This scenario is extremely common among many couples. Although turning conversations into arguments isn’t intentional, it’s frequent. Partners tend to trigger each other even during moments of intimacy and romance.

Emotional triggers in relationships can override nice walks, memorable trips, romantic evenings, and good ol’ sex. It gets in the way of any cherished event and takes away our feelings of safety and security. An inappropriate word, a rude tone, or a hasty action might trigger feelings of rejection, abandonment, or withdrawal.

Things also escalate quickly into arguments when one (or both) partner(s) is having a bad day or going through a rough patch.

Either way, it takes one second for an intimate moment to turn into an ugly one. And when an unexpected argument gets out of hand, both partners might feel overwhelmed and stressed.

Why do we end up blaming, criticising, and attacking our partner?

Here’s why:

1. Interrupting. Although interruptions aren’t always intentional, they might anger or annoy us as they show disrespect. We might think our partner is not properly listening to us or is only interested in getting their own ideas across.

2. Getting angry. Anger can quickly transform any normal conversation into a battlefield if we don’t know how to keep our emotions in check. It’s detrimental in many ways and might hinder our ability to accept clarifications from others.

3. Wanting to be right. Focusing on who’s right or wrong can distract us and move us further away from what’s really important. Instead of having a purposeful conversation, we end up defending our opinions.

4. Choosing the wrong words. Sometimes a rude word or a disrespectful statement can sabotage a lovely conversation and get us into a defensive mode. When we attack each other, arguments get harder to solve or end.

5. Making assumptions. Jumping to conclusions or taking things personally can harm our conversations. Instead of misinterpreting our partner’s thoughts and emotions, we must be brave enough to have vulnerable conversations and express our needs opennely.

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