I know a lot of couples who are in happy relationships.

But they’re happy only when things are happy. They’re in love and deeply connected only when life is easy and promising.

When things go south, though, they lose that connection and become unhappy. This pattern is common in many relationships. The reason for this is because despite how strong their love connection is, love is not enough to sustain a healthy, long-term relationship.

Good relationships need more than good sex and intentional quality time. They need behaviors, actions, and reactions that are founded on mindfulness and emotional maturity.

However, our ego is the enemy of connection. Many a time, it erodes happiness and prevents us from maintaining a good relationship. The more we act out of ego, the faster we lose our individual (and common) happiness. Because the truth is we can never be satisfied if our level of happiness significantly declines when our relationship suffers due to conflicts or disconnection.

Real happiness calls for real emotional stability. It’s normal for relationships to experience frequent highs and lows, but it’s not normal if the lows negatively impact your mental health.

There are many factors that might determine how happy your relationship is, but there are only three that predict what your love life looks like on the inside:

1. The inability to control impulses. One of the things that deeply wound relationships is having to deal with anger outbursts or emotional reactions that lead to disrespect. No matter how messy things may get, happy couples should be able to control themselves when they feel triggered or frustrated. Instead of shouting, threatening, or becoming disrespectful, partners should define unacceptable behaviors and set healthy boundaries that preserve the values of their relationship.

2. The inability to openly communicate. The level of happiness in your relationship might be extremely low if one of you is unable to openly communicate about their needs or feelings. Open communication—in any relationship—has surprising benefits that go beyond feelings of security and intimacy. When couples communicate during difficult times, they notably lower their chances of being misunderstood or unvalidated. Being heard when we are feeling overwhelmed or hurt undeniably makes us happy, as we wouldn’t have to worry about our unvoiced expectations.

3. The inability to move past conflicts. Most unhappy couples have one thing in common: they can’t let go of resentment. Conflicts are inevitable and a natural part of any healthy relationship; however, we should learn how to move on when conflicts end or else we will remain unhappy for a long period of time. So manage your emotions and understand that your connection with your partner comes first—not resentment or being right. Some things are better left unsaid, so choose your battles wisely because we don’t need to fight every single battle in a relationship.

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