No More Mr. Nice Guy

Would you describe yourself as a Nice Guy?

To clarify, I don’t mean behaving in a loving way to others, but rather perpetually “Nice”

If you would describe yourself in this light, I have some potentially alarming news for you.

It’s likely that you are suppressing some facet of your being. A part of yourself that you may have deemed as unacceptable or unworthy of love.

There has been a movement occurring recently in society, pressuring men to feel shame for their masculine essence. Many men are made to feel that there masculine fire, is solely destructive and harmful, and that it should be suppressed at all costs. Although this approach is misguided, as with most things, a grain of truth can always be found. When the masculine fire within us is used (Unconsciously) it can cause great harm. War, Oppression, and Manipulation are all byproducts of the masculine fire used unconsciously.

However When our divine masculine fire is combined with awareness, It is limitless in its expanse and capacity for beauty.

It it behind the forging of cities, and infustructure, it enables us to protect our loved ones, to pierce the walls of deception in others and the world around us so that (Truth) may reign. It allows us to persevere in times of difficulty, as well as open our hearts to others when it is difficult to be vulnerable. It allows us to stand up against injustice, and even fight against it when necessary. It allows to have the courage to cleanse ourselves of habits, relationships and vices that are leaching from our life force so that we can be of better service to ourselves and the world around us.

When we are young we often receive a hefty amount of social conditioning.

Social conditioning is defined as “the sociological process of training individuals in a society to respond in a manner generally approved by the society in general and peer groups within society.”

The problem with this is that we are often conditioned not to be outspoken beings with a strong sense of self but rather disempowered, and tame.  As a result, after we recieve enough negative reinforcment of our wildness  many of us embody “Mr. Nice Guy”, which comes at a great cost to our sense of self.

I am no stranger to disowning parts of myself, in fact doing so, has been a part of my personal journey.

When I was a child I was wild. Wildly loving, wildly energetic, silly, strong willed, and at times angry. As children we are fully integrated beings. Beautifully, unapologetically our authentic selves. At a certain age though we lose touch with ownership of our full range of emotions. Our life experiences often lead us to deem parts of ourselves as acceptable and other parts as unacceptable.

At age eleven, right in line with my parents divorce. I was experiencing a new surge in emotions. Most notably, anger, aggression, and confusion. Often I’d display these emotions in which many would deem to be destructive behaviors. Lashing out at my parents, breaking things, yelling, and cursing profusely.

In these instance, I would often experience what felt to be a withdrawal of love. I don’t judge my loved ones for this, explosive anger can often be a lot for others to handle. Yet over time I began to associate my expression of anger, with withdrawal of love from others. This of course led me to associate anger as (Bad) and being nice as (Good)
My fear was that if I continued to display the angry parts of myself, I would lose all of the people that I held dear to me. Thus I disowned my anger and other emotions I deemed as negative, for the faux mask of “niceness”.

I urge you to reconnect with your wildness, to rediscover the parts of yourself you have labeled as “bad” or “wrong”

The “Nice Guy” persona isn’t real. In fact not only does it deprive others of authentic connection with us, it can be our own personal prison.

Be great, be courageous, be wild.

-Dan

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