April 10, 2016

The Breakup Formula that Helped me Believe in the Power of New Beginnings.

Austin Ban/Unsplash

“Nothing can grow forever. Dissolution is needed for new growth to happen.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Breaking up is hard.

The expectations, hopes and sometimes sudden loss can generate plenty of unwanted feelings. Lately, I’ve been talking to a few people who are going through a breakup, and it has allowed me to recognize that we often believe that breaking up is the end of everything.

Looking back, I can recall the wretched moments I experienced during break ups. Likewise, I recall how I thought it was the end: the end of my future, myself, my goals, the relationship with my partner and funnily enough, the end of the world.

I believed that it was impossible to start all over again. My dismal feelings didn’t allow me to look beyond my misery. I believed that I would never find someone like my former partner and that I was incapable of building a future without him. During particularly rough times, I would even wish to never have a future if it couldn’t be with him.

However, every break up I went through has proved me wrong.

Time has proven to me that break ups are blessings in disguise. They might seem like the end, but actually they’re the beginning.

Breaking up is the beginning of everything.

If there is something that I absolutely believe in, it’s that endings are essential for new growth.

Let’s think about everything else in our lives that has emerged from dissolution. We wouldn’t have found that job we’re comfortable in now, if we didn’t leave the one before. We wouldn’t have bought a brand new laptop if the old one didn’t break. We can even behold nature to ascertain that endings are never negative. Trees shed their leaves in winter only to grow more beautifully again in spring. Flowers also wither and die, only to bloom again later on.

Everything is in a cycle of new growth and growth cannot exist without the annihilation of a particular phenomenon.

Therefore, breaking up is the act of bringing something new into our lives. It could be the beginning of something personal or it could also be the beginning of something new with our former partner. This particular break up will either bring about a new relationship between the two of you, a friendship in the future perhaps, or a realization that you’re not right for each other.

And once we realize that this person isn’t the right one for us, something new will emerge in ourselves. As our negative feelings begin to fade with time, we will start sensing the changes that are taking place. Personally, I am quite thankful for every break up I went through, because it has built something fresh that is still ongoing.

All we have to do is believe in the power of cessation.

The formula I embrace is simple: dissolution + patience = beginning.

In order to be ready for beginnings, we must first reflect on the fact that there are seven billion people on earth. With this truth, it becomes obvious that we’re not the only ones who are going through a break up. Thousands of people end relationships every day and as far as I know, we’re all enduring much more than we think we can. The main subconscious reason for our suffering is thinking that we are the only ones with a painful present. However, acknowledging solidarity will instantly lessen our pain.

We also need to reflect upon our own past. Isn’t our life now the result of what has previously ended? If we take a moment to think about what we have gone through in the past, we will most certainly remember that this, too, shall pass. Additionally, let’s think of the beginnings that have unfolded from endings. Aren’t they many?

Next, we must believe that breaking up is our chance to refocus on ourselves and the aspects of our lives that we have neglected before. It’s our chance to grow a better understanding of life and how it operates. Breaking up is the subtle message of life telling us that behind every failure there’s a lesson and another chance for success.

Personally, I noticed that the moment I started focusing on myself, I indirectly created a needed space from the issue. This space allows energy to flow wherever it is meant to go. If the relationship that ended wasn’t meant to be, it shall stay away and if it was meant to be, it will return.

If we are patient, time will provide us with answers to why this ending has taken place. The future eventually becomes our present moment, clearing away the confusion we are currently in.

So instead of wallowing in self-pity and pain, let’s grow the habit of trusting in what’s yet to come. Once a Buddhist monk told me, “If you want to expect an apple tree, you should plant apple seeds. You can’t plant mango seeds and expect an apple tree.” If we want a happy and hopeful future, we should start with creating the space for it now. And the way to auspiciously do it is to start planting hope, joy and faith in our minds.

“Eventual change is inevitable. There is no degree of probability or chance involved. If you feel hopeless, remember this and you will no longer have a reason to be hopeless, because whatever is causing you to despair will also change.” ~ Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse

Believing that change is inevitable and that even the pain we are experiencing now will eventually dissolve, will also aid us in gaining a better perspective on our suffering and on the future that is yet to come.

Believe in the best and the best will unfold.

Believe in beginnings and they shall begin.

Author: Elyane Youssef

Editor: Nicole Cameron

Image: Austin Ban/Unsplash

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