I’ve always believed in love. In the power of good and…evil.
I’ve always thought that being a good person will bring me the good stuff in life and being a bad person might make me suffer. I’ve always believed in black and white, in good and bad, yin and yang.
I do understand that there is a higher power in the universe, nevermind how you call it, and that all of us are destined to become, during our life, our best versions. At least, we should aim for this.

In time, I realized that not always doing the right thing is going to get me to the best outcome. So many times I’ve doubted my principles, my actions. Because, isn’t it, if bad things happened to me….maybe I was bad and I deserved it. But I persevered.

Well, the best part is that all my life I did have the right to choose. Either the best way or not so good one, I was always a free woman. I got to make my life as I wished, I got to choose what I wanted to keep around me and what to ditch.

Today, I’ve had an interesting talk. A challenge I’d say: determinism, the doctrine that all events, including human action, are ultimately determined by causes regarded as external to the will. Some philosophers have taken determinism to imply that individual human beings have no free will and cannot be held morally responsible for their actions.

This made me really question for a second why the hell am I trying to give my best. Why on earth would I try to be always a good person, if there will never be a different outcome anyway. If there is something already set for me and if there is no way I can change my path, why should I be trying to be good? Why should I try to be a good girl for a man, why should I try to fall in love, try to make my way into someone’s life in a proper, clean, honest way?

If determinism says that all it is written in the stars, or maybe in a big book, or in my DNA, or who knows where, and I just can’t avoid this, why on earth should I give a fu*k about what I do, what others feel, think, why should I stop on the road when I see someone is hurting?
Why should I care? Why should we care?
If love is not a self-made feeling, if love is not an expression of our inner emotions and experiences, an answer to the pain and hurt, why should I keep on offering it?

Giving these facts, why should I try to choose to whom I offer my love if it is already written in the stars or who knows where? If, being put in any situation, my input is not my own free will, why should I try even? Why strive?

No, I can not believe this. It is, indeed, an interesting theory. I admit that!
But how could I believe that the roads I chose are just some random paths that were set to me? How could I believe that my child was not my decision? How could I admit that the man I decided to love was not my choice, but merely a person like any other one who just happened to cross my path?

It is mind-blowing to think that all is in vain and that after all the fight we’re putting into creating a life that makes a difference, it was all just an accident.

You tell me if this has a sense. For if this is true, I do not see why I should keep on trying to give my best!