Relationships require different things to work.
Some things are familiar, such as communication and honesty, while other things, well…I’d like to call them revolutionary.
They’re not ordinary, but they’re not strange either. We’ve all experienced them and most probably realized their benefits, but with everyday hustle and bustle, our own traumas, and the world’s troubles, it might be hard to remember them or put them into practice.
I know from myself and my own relationship. It’s easier to fall into destructive behaviors than it is to remember good ones. We can’t easily escape conditioning, and we definitely can’t replace a pattern overnight.
As a start, we can test the revolutionary acts out. This is what I’ve always done in my own relationship. If I see that a certain behavior has triggered a good result with my partner, I keep it in mind and try to incorporate it into my relationship more often.
Here are five revolutionary ones you can start with today:
Let your partner be their own person
For me, this is the most important thing in a relationship. A love that suffocates is not authentic at its core. Sometimes, we tend to be controlling or impose our own opinion on our partner. I’ve been there so many times, and I know now that it’s trauma in disguise. Whenever I tried to control my partner or mold them into the image I saw was best, my fear of abandonment was taking over, and I was only scared to lose them.
When we look deep within and heal the parts of ourselves that seek attention, love, and validation, the way we love significantly improves. For me, giving my partner the space to choose, grieve, make mistakes, live, and zone out is revolutionary. A breathing room in a relationship is the best room we could ever build in our home.
It goes unsaid that when we are in a relationship, we eventually become friends. But, oftentimes, we forget to act like ones. Seeing everything from the perspective of a lover and getting too caught up in our problems are sometimes hazardous for the relationship. Love is important, but friendship is essential. Just like we need from our partner a kiss, compliments, and date nights, we also need good laughter, support, and kindness.
I always try to remember in my own relationship to be a friend and not get caught up in my role as a partner. This is revolutionary because it brings partners closer to each other. To find both a lover and a friend within one person is truly cathartic.
Choose your battles wisely
In the past, I thought every problem in my relationship needed to be addressed. Well, it always ended up badly. If it didn’t end up with a fight, we ended up feeling like we were doing too much work—it was even more tiring than a nine-to-five job. The best thing I have ever learned in the past few years is to choose my battles wisely.
In other words, not everything should turn into a battle. I learned the hard way to differentiate between when I should address an issue and when I should keep my mouth shut. If we keep picking at the little things, we will eventually harbor resentment and miscommunication in our relationship. Choose your battles wisely.
Stop taking things seriously
Sometimes, we want the relationship to work so badly that we take things so damn seriously. We miss all the fun and the humor for the sake of becoming the perfect partner. With time, we might become less desirable and contribute to the relationship’s failure.
One thing I’ve learned is that humor and fun are life-changing. No matter how bad things get in our relationships, always remember to lighten up. Even if we can’t solve our problems, at least we don’t get worked up.
Be lovers every now and then
I mentioned earlier the importance of becoming friends within a relationship. However, we may begin to feel too much familiarity and comfort that we forget to act like lovers. The most successful couples still incorporate some romance into their routine. It could be as silly as a morning kiss and a compliment, or as big as a date night.
I know that familiarity is involuntary, but we must always remember why our partner was attracted to us in the first couple of months and keep on doing what we did then. The absence of romance can kill relationships, and it could lead to cheating, divorce, or separation. For adoration and desire to remain, we should keep the spark and fire alive in our love life.