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October 22, 2021

Can a Sexless Relationship Survive?


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5 Ways to Get Intimate that Don’t Involve Having Sex.

Can We Be Lovers and Not Have Sex?

Some are shouting that it’s doomed. I say, not true.

Sex. Sexual chemistry. Passionate sex. Steamy, juicy, sweaty sex—I get it, I’ve been there, done that, and enjoyed it.

This is where I could launch into a long series of pieces to share, or craft it all into the Diaries of Jann, volumes one through seven.

No worries, not where I intend to go.

I vehemently disagree that a loving relationship is doomed without sex in the mix. Please humor me as I mention a few reasons why, and then what, to me, makes a love relationship.

Scenario 1: Boy and girl meet, fall in love, and plan a future together filled with two adorable babies. Passion escalates through their dates; a wedding is set. One is either injured in an accident or paralyzed, or perhaps is struck with an illness rendering them infertile, and also unable to engage in sex. They are young; one may choose to end the relationship. However, we know some go on and tie the knot and explore a life of happiness with each other.

Scenario 2: Two people meet, the sexual chemistry is rocking off the stars, and nights are filled with exploring. They consummate their marriage, over and over again. Then the children come into the family; sex is off the table. They work together to share the responsibilities and enjoy their new life for now.

Scenario 3: Two people meet at an assisted living facility. One is widowed, the other a celibate devoted to their spiritual life. They decide to move to a larger room to share their newfound love.

Do not assume that sex ends when one hits the title of senior, or elderly.

Now some of the younger ones are horrified reading this and thinking of their grandparents doing the dance between the sheets.

We can come up with other scenarios, however, none of these involved sex, and yet the relationships still lasted.

What are ways we can show love in a sexless relationship?

Here are a few I have either received or given in my last relationship before one became seriously ill and sex was over:

>> Coming home from work to find new software on your desktop.

>> Having the paintbrush quietly removed from your hand and an assist to step off the shaking ladder. Paint job taken over, and expertly done.

>> Hand-written notes tucked into a suitcase when one needs to go out of town on business.

>> After 12 years of politely responding no thank you to an offer to join in a walk, they say yes. And a daily walk continues for nine years.

>> Carrying the firewood up from the pile to leave at the front porch on a cold January.

>> The other taking care to start the fire, and keep it going.

>> Listening, really listening.

>> Never going to bed angry, but agreeing to table the discussion to another day.

>> After three hours of business, and political stuff on the tube, they look over at you reading a novel, and ask if there is something you would like to watch. And, watching it with you.

>> Preparing a warm oatmeal foot bath, and after a 20-minute soak, gently massage their wet feet, then rinse. Massage an oatmeal lotion onto their feet and lower legs. Place cozy socks on their feet and remove the basin and towels. Repeat for a three-times-per-week practice.

>> Joining them to put the fresh clean sheets on the bed, without being asked.

These are a few; I would love to hear yours.


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