What do you do when you have a narcissistic parent / partner?

What do you do when the pain gets to be too much?

What do you do when you feel like s%!t?

What do you do when you feel you screwed up once again?

What do you do when it all… All of It, gets too much?

When you drop down on your knees unable to hold your body

When you can feel your body going into emotional distress

What do you do when you have thoughts of ending it all… not because you are afraid or a coward… because it’s just too much… emotionally, mentally beyond your capacity?

Beyond your current capacity

Beyond your perceived capacity

If it’s your mind, it may question whether you really have done all the work or if all the inner work is of any consequence

Whether all the years of therapy has helped you

Whether all the years of meditation have done anything for you

Whether all the years of self-indulgence (that’s what some people call therapy as), are useful now

Whether all the money and time invested in healers, psychologists was useful at all

Whether you can ever be enough?

Whether you can ever heal?

Whether you can ever do enough?

Whether you can or will be enough?

Your mind becomes the devil.

Your own enemy.

And if you feel too much…

It can be debilitating.

All those emotions…. Multiplied 10 times over

And very quickly you might feel the emotions of people around you… multiplying it further.

You didn’t choose to… but it just happens, as if automatically. Like tapping into a network of people’s emotions.

Or perhaps you feel into the emotions of the collective – earth people… that’s over 7billion….

7 billion, my love…

That’s not weak…  that’s not too emotional.

That’s your power

Your Power.

That’s not you going weak or growing weak…

That’s you growing…

Growing stronger

Growing deeper

Growing wider, broader, colossal.

That is who you are…

You are God.

You are the cosmos.

You Are God.

Yet, knowing that will not help either.

Because it’s not the ego that you feed.

It’s not the desire to be ‘The One’

So, what do you do?

What do you do with all this happening in your mind or your heart or both?

You go into service…

In service to yourself, to your clients.

Holding yourself the way you would hold your clients

Holding yourself the way you would hold others

Cherishing this moment with yourself, allowing your soul to take over

And loving yourself… loving yourself like you have loved no one else.

Loving yourself, like the way you would like to be loved.

Life is not a journey to achieve or do anything.

Sometimes, I feel it is a journey to learn to love yourself.

All of you…

All of your scars. Mental, emotional and physical scars.

All of your mistakes, all that you loved and how you gave yourself.

Loving who you are, just as you are. Protecting yourself.

Nurturing yourself. Achieving for yourself because it feels nice. Because you pave the path for so many after you.

Because women are waiting for you to walk that path so that they may walk that path.

So that they may reach out and hold your hand to help themselves walk and reach out to other women.

So…

Love yourself, my dear.

Just as I am learning to love myself.

I am you. You are me.

We are one.

We are the cosmos.

We are God.

And I Love You.