Today, I read this post by Yung Pueblo on Instagram:
“It is not about finding someone who is fully healed, it is about finding someone who is not afraid of their emotions. A person who does not suppress what they feel and can gently be present to their inner ups and downs will have a foundation of emotional maturity.”
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When I was younger, the list of what I looked for in a partner was endless. I wanted someone to make me laugh, someone who is extremely generous and outgoing, someone who loves to travel, someone who is committed…I wanted a lot of things.
I’m not ashamed to admit that all my past relationships have failed. Although heartbreaks are awfully painful, they teach us a lot. Heartbreaks open our blindfolded eyes and make us see things we previously haven’t noticed.
Throughout all my past relationships, I failed to see that our long list of what we want in a partner is useless if it doesn’t have this one component: emotional maturity.
When I read Pueblo’s post today, I nodded in affirmation. Without emotional maturity, our relationships might never succeed. As Pueblo says, we should be able to sit with our emotions. We should be able to be present with every feeling, every problem, every disappointment, every victory. We should be present.
With that being said, find someone who is not afraid of their emotions.
Someone who’s ready to go through it all with you. Someone who’s not afraid of their complex, messy, inner constitution. Someone who takes your hand and shows you their darkest side.
Find someone who wants to talk it out. Someone who believes in the power of words and is eager to come to an understanding. Someone who knows that without proper communication and mindful listening, there can never be a mutual agreement.
Find someone who puts their ego aside when they talk to you. Someone who treasures your emotional presence and hopes you treasure theirs too.
And as Pueblo says, you don’t have to find someone who is fully healed. I’m not fully healed, you’re not fully healed, and the chances are no one is fully healed. However, do find someone who wants to learn, grow, and work on their healing.
Someone who recognizes their emotional mess but is willing to let you witness it. Someone who wants to witness your emotional mess too. Someone who’s planning to make out of this mess something beautiful, precious, and long-lasting. Someone who can mold this emotional chaos into love and hope.
Don’t be afraid of your emotions either.
Love is all about opening up.