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Change is the only constant.
The definition of growth is change.
Yet, it is essential to ask ourselves: what do we actually need to change? What do we really need to let go of?
Is it the partner, the job, the city, or is it…just us?
Do we need to end our relationship or just fix something within ourselves to reflect back a new person to our partner?
Do we really have to leave our job or merely reconnect with the joy that we once had for it?
Whether or not we need to make an external shift to our life or simply an internal one is a serious question and there is not a universal answer for everyone.
These are decisions, big decisions, so the more certainty we can feel with these decisions, the better. It helps us not to regret a choice we make later down the road if we feel strongly enough about it being the right thing in the present moment. The right thing for ourselves, regardless of what the world is telling us.
The more connected you are to yourself, the more you will be certain if there is something that you need to release, move on, and let go of in your life.
If you feel solid and grounded in yourself, if you trust yourself, love yourself, and know your worth, then you will know if something in your life isn’t truly aligned for you anymore, because it will go against your own values, standards, and boundaries.
If you are in this place of just knowing that the relationship, job, house, or environment is not aligned for you, then it’s just about really acknowledging that and releasing the attachment—working past the fear of getting out of your comfort zone in order to let go of something that is not serving your highest path. And then, once you let go, the only thing on the other side is empowerment and the Universe sending you new people and opportunities that are more aligned for the new frequency of self-love you have reached as a beautiful reward for claiming more for yourself.
Like the Buddha said, the root of all suffering is attachment.
I worked with a client who had been in her corporate job for 10 years, and it was clearly the job—she wasn’t respected by the management, she wasn’t passionate about the company’s mission, she didn’t feel connected to her coworkers. What she really loved, what really lit her up, was gardening and knew that starting a business teaching others how to garden would bring her exuberant joy. All she needed to release was the resistance to actually leaving her job.
Change is hard for the ego because of one thing: fear of the unknown. So, it took her some time. She needed to work with me, a coach, to motivate her and encourage that life would only support every step of the way in fearlessly surrendering to something greater. Once she experienced that, none of her projected future fears came true; she only wished she would have left her job about seven years earlier. It would have saved a substantial amount of suffering and internal frustration for not acknowledging her Higher Self, who knew it was time to move on.
Again, attachment. Root of suffering.
Yet, many times we lack this certainty. We are stuck in the icky in-between of the not knowing what needs to change. In this case, if you lack the certainty, it is wise to start with getting more connected to yourself. If you are internally stressed, frustrated, bitter, angry, worried, and so on, that is only going to be reflected back to you in all areas of your life.
In this case, maybe finding your internal peace is all that is needed. My last client who just finished my program came to me a big bubble of stress thinking he needed to quit his job and end his relationship. But after doing some internal work, he was able to reconnect with his initial love for the job and find bliss in his work again. And it’s funny because oftentimes when we do this inner work, it bleeds over and heals all areas of our life. He reawakened and healed his relationship with his partner, the one he initially questioned leaving…just through finding that inner peace.
Experimenting with meditation, breathwork, and yoga are ways you can reconnect with your internal reality. Meditation helping you find your center, breathwork helping you form a new relationship with your emotions, and yoga for that mind-body connection. And then, by connecting more internally, you begin to notice how feeling more calm and centered in yourself helps you to feel more calm and centered at work, at the grocery story…with your partner.
This inner peace that we can cultivate helps us then to not get irritable with our partner because we feel good internally…naturally improving all of our relationships and all areas of our lives.
From this perspective, attachment is all in the mind—attachment to the thoughts and associated emotions like stress, anger, fear, anxiety that create internal suffering for ourselves that is then reflected back to us in our external world.
My coach always says that most of our problems are just in the mind.
So, what are you attached to? A person, a place, an emotion, a thought pattern?
The point of me sharing these various lenses is merely to stimulate you.
To bring you further clarity.
To raise your internal awareness of what is best for you.
To guide you to find the answers that are within yourself.
Because, your Higher Self knows what change is needed.
So let me ask you one question:
Are you ready to let go?