Our relationship styles differing does not give you permission to disrespect my boundaries. 

 

There are as many ways to be in relationship as there are humans on this Earth. Today, in 2023, the phrase “seeing someone” or “dating” can mean a myriad of different situations. Un-exposed to any options beyond monogamy until my mid-twenties, I’m still catching up to all the modern terms and ways of being together.

 

Through my recent decade of life I’ve tapped into and let flourish an enlivened, pulsating love for all styles of being human. Having dug into and eradicated my conditioned fear of the different, I’m now openly available to witness and honour the unique and vibrant ways people around me are choosing to live. 

 

I believe whole-heartedly in supporting authentic creative expression in all its forms. Whether a person is channeling that via fashion, dance, literature choices, the way they decorate their home, the way they make art, or the way they show love and engage in relationship with others… so long as respect is involved. 

 

Where my open-hearted open-minded joy for these expressions falls short is when folks cannot offer the same nonjudgmental empathy and support for other humans walking to beats of different drums. 

 

As a 6/2 Projector (Human Design), I have tried on many varied hats in my first thirty years. Something I have found to be a core piece of who I am is my trait of being a monogamous partner. 

 

I don’t offer up this committed and steadfast level of love to just anyone, but when those select few have walked into my world and met me where I’m at with what I communicate I require – that is absolutely my jam. 

 

I’m an old soul. Old school. Yet I am damn enthralled with new ways folks are living these days and I will be front row cheering them on toward whatever makes their hearts sing and lives flourish. 

But do not confuse this adoration for all life forms with the wavering of my own values. 

 

In the last year I have fallen in love for real. I have a person who actually makes me entertain long-term plans and discussions where we use “we” and “us” constantly. From both our perspectives we have found the real thing. 

 

My partner is also monogamous. 

 

I know this, because a friend who joins in relationships differently than we do, pushed these boundaries after I clearly put them up. 

 

This friend was going through a hard time. They wanted more than a hug from me. They wished for cuddles, horizontal bodies wrapped around each other for physical spilling into emotional support. 

 

Although I had created a safe space and made myself available to actively listen and offer as much support as needed, my insides clenched up around this request. I had just told them I was in love – packing to move in with my newfound partner. 

I let them know: I am fully present here and now for you emotionally and mentally, but not physically, and physically may never be on the table again. You will have to go elsewhere for physical support. 

 

Yet they asked again. 

 

I remained calm, because I could see how vulnerable and exposed this friend felt. They were in the midst of an experience that was pushing them to their limits. But that did not waver me, nor the commitment I made with those who offered me their heart. Love is not something I fuck around with. 

 

This friend seemed confused, and unable to digest the boundaries around support I could and could not offer. But I stayed solid, rooted in what I know to be true for myself. The body doesn’t lie. Although my mind might have begun teetering in lieu of (outdated) people-pleasing tendencies, my physical body was prickled and closed off by the thought of laying down wrapped around anyone other than my sole, monogamous partner. 

 

Eventually we eased into a lengthy conversation, seated across from one another, and spoke openly and honestly about everything life was serving my friend. 

 

Since that day, my partner and I have solidified our commitment only to each other, and that friend continues to be a prominent pal as we grieve and celebrate and process this world together through supportive conversation. They’ve never again pushed my boundaries, because I held them with integrity from the get-go. 

 

Never waver your truth for others. 

 

The faltering not only teaches them that your values are open for debate, but it can hurt those who have found resonance and a home within your truth.