June 19, 2023

How we Limit our Love (& what we can Do About It).

A dash of daring, a sprinkle of spirituality, a whole lotta sexy, less of all that trauma, and voila—the perfect partner!

Have you ever noticed how we get real particular about what our mates “should” or “should not” be like?

We want them tailor-made to our exact liking; we forgo certain human experiences all together, at times, because they’re not this or that enough.

And I get it, there should be some foundational standards around our core values and we shouldn’t settle for anything less. Particularly when it comes to honesty, trust, open communication, compassion, generosity, and nurture. I highly encourage friends, family, and clients to get clear on what their core values and beliefs are before getting into partnership so that they can easily identify if someone they connect with can meet their basic needs.

This is the basis of relating—connecting, at the very least, at our core essence.

But what I’m referring to is the cycle we get into trying to shape “Mr., Mx. or Ms. Right,” of making sure they check all these certain boxes we project at them. And if they don’t, we either exile them from potential deeper connection or try our best to fit them into our own boxes, chiseling away what we don’t like instead of honoring them for who and how they are.

What if, instead, we invited all humans (who share our core values) into our reality, intimately, without pressure to fit our molds, nor become our “forever person”? What if we welcomed people into our lives for the mere sake of experience, joy, and growth?

Because when we limit who we let in based on a list of checked boxes, we never truly get to understand the full spectrum of humanness life has to offer.

And sure, this is risky: it’s natural to want to protect ourselves and our hearts from pain as a form of self-preservation. And yet, it’s only at the edge of our discomfort that we transform and expand into the grandest version of ourselves.

Give yourself room for trial and error. Think back to your first relationship ever, and then fast-forward to now—have you not grown exponentially from each of these “phases” of your romantic reality? Each partner reflecting back to you areas you can soften, strengthen, and strip away? And also each partner holding and healing you, even if just for mere moments, through hard times?

These shared relating-ships chisel and refine us in preparation for the next person we choose to explore. When a relationship is finished, it’s simply a shift in energy, and usually a result of growth. While we were once matched in frequency, now, as one person changes, our shared vibrations are no longer harmonious. Something has to give. We must let go. We must open ourselves back up to new possibilities of partnership that sync with who we are now.

It doesn’t mean the love is no longer there. It means the love has taken new form and that we must honor that. Because it’s when we hold onto what’s no longer serving us that we fall into disenchantment, hostility, and resentment, expecting and demanding that our loved one be what we want, instead of allowing their own humble process to unfold as they need and choose.

Freedom is one of the highest forms of love. Freedom is radical acceptance of another person’s process.

Often times, our egos crave feeling total completion and we put heavy expectations on our partner to meet all of our needs. We are attached to them, attached to our memories, attached to our ideas and projections, so instead of honoring the evolution of our love, we put it in a box of expectation. But we must dance with the ever-changing flow of our connections, never forcing and always honoring what naturally unfolds. And in this way, we don’t rigidly search for Mr., Mx. or Ms. Right but instead openly invite in Mr., Mx. or Ms. Right Now.

We start to understand that each connection we dive into offers us a unique reflection, literally unlike any other, with gifts that guide us closer to clarity on who we truly are and what we desire and need at our inner-most core. And by doing so, we give many humans the chance to unfold our many facets, and in exchange we grow in ways we merely never could have without them. We let ourselves be seen, and through an external lens, we get the opportunity to understand ourselves more deeply.

Many times, our friends and family expect us to choose partners who they project are ideal, but only we can be sure what we need in any given moment. Perhaps what we need is not what we thought we wanted and comes in a package we didn’t expect.

My thing is this: energy doesn’t lie. The Law of Attraction states that “like energy attracts like energy,” thus, we attract whoever we are magnetizing for a reason. Otherwise, it simply would not be. We must trust our intuitive pull toward the people who arrive in our experience. Whether for a few moments, months—we drew in this dynamic for growth we’ve yet to know, patterns that need perspective, and heartache that needs healing.

When we trust what we attract, while honoring our core values, we are actively believing in divine deliverance. When we love people as they are, we not only allow them to love us as we are, but we allow ourselves to love us as we are. And it is only then that we can grow the petals of self-acceptance, forgiveness, worthiness, grace, and joy that make up the blossom of the unconditional love that is our purest nature: a single flower in the garden of souls.


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