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Like most women, getting my period every month since I was 11 years old was something that I did not look forward to.

In fact, since I decided at a young age that I didn’t want to have kids because I couldn’t bear bringing life into this world, I felt getting my period was pointless—a waste of my life every month. Not to mention the violent pain and crazy bleeding for almost seven days straight for 30 years of my life.

Not only has the pain always driven me crazy, but I used to hate with a passion how emotional I get around that time of the month. Sometimes, it is an uncontrollable sadness, while other times it is anger and sadness. And sometimes, I am numb inside, only able to feel the pain in my body as it prepares itself and goes through the process.

For the longest time, like many women, I blamed my cycle and the hormones that surge with it for the crying spells, fits of rage, and sadness.

And while I know for a fact that hormones do their thing every month, after diving into breath work more consistently this past year, I’ve had several breakthroughs about my stress responses, and I am now convinced that my period’s purpose is actually so much more than just purging the lining of my uterus because I didn’t fall pregnant. 

I now see it as an opportunity to reset my energy from the inside out, too. It is a time where my body is helping me unlock what I’ve been avoiding, suppressing, and hiding from. It is an opportunity to slow the f*ck down, especially when I have pain helping me do it.

This applies to all humans, but I’m speaking specifically from a woman’s perspective here: we hold onto so f*cking much. The pressure of everything we take on trying to be good daughters, sisters, mothers, employees, business owners, artists, and creatives. The biological make up of our bodies. The fact that everyone has their own trauma and healing, and that we are all just doing the best we can. Sometimes, though, we respond to stress in ways that allow it to get trapped in our bodies and energy field. And until we release it, it only festers. 

But what if having our period is also a gift? A monthly gift, dare I say. Not just because it allows us to get pregnant, but because whether we want to or not, it’s a consistent reminder that we must honor our emotions.

No, you’re not being a raging b*tch with your husband just because he’s breathing. Maybe you have been holding onto some resentment, a lack of forgiveness, and stories that you haven’t released toward him, and your body is pushing you to feel and process so you can release it. Maybe it’s time you share with him how you’re feeling.

No, you’re not a horrible mom for losing your cool or raising your voice. Maybe you’re holding onto mom guilt and shame. Maybe you’re just overwhelmed and exhausted, and need more time alone or more rest than usual for a few days. Maybe it’s a good time to allow yourself to ask for help and allow yourself to receive it.

No, you’re not being overly sensitive, or crying too much, or using your period as an excuse to not function how you’d like or be lazy. Maybe your body is also forcing you to slow down because for the rest of the month you will be on go, focused on everything and everyone before yourself. Maybe you’re holding onto so much that the things you think are just little “period fits” are actually you releasing what needs to be let go of, whether it is related to a specific person, place, or thing, or not.

No, watching Crash and Eddie grow up and move out of the “Ice Age” family isn’t really that sad, but maybe that’s what I needed to see to cry a little, and deal with the fact that I have been sad lately about having an almost 15-year-old who I get to spend only half the time with. And in three years, he will be considered an adult, which I am clearly not ready for. 

Maybe that’s what I needed to see and feel, to accept that like every other mom in the world, I have mom guilt and wish I would have done a lot of things differently.

But how funny and beautiful is it that I can acknowledge those feelings and let myself cry it out thanks to PMS, whereas, in my everyday life, I’m just truckin’ forward, trying to be strong? Trying to detach from that fear, sadness, and guilt, while not allowing myself to sit with it, accept it, honor it, and love myself through it. 

Yes, I actually did just cry watching “The Ice Age Adventures of Buck Wild.” And after a little meltdown about my kids growing up and moving out, I had to chuckle because it felt good—and I understood why.

I know it’s my body doing the period thing, but also pushing me to feel things more than I normally would allow myself to. The old me would have been so annoyed at myself for PMSing. For not being able to identify the cause of the sadness or anger and blaming only my body for it. For not being able to control the pain and tears exploding out of me

But now, I see it in a different light. I welcome it.

My body still hurts. The process still sucks for me. It always has. But as someone who has spent their entire life being the strong one, detaching like a champ for survival and peace of mind, and ultimately not allowing myself to feel too much so that I don’t have to face the disappointment and pain that may result, this is huge. 

My monthly cycle is no longer a battle my body is fighting just because of how uncomfortable it gets. It’s an opportunity to take care of myself a little bit more. Be a little more gentle, a little more compassionate. Allow myself to feel and release whatever may be trapped in my body, even if in that moment I don’t know why I’m mad, sad, or crying. 

It’s not just hormones—it’s my body’s way of reminding me that it’s okay to feel, and it’s okay to let go. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to love yourself a little more. It’s okay to ask for help. 

And it’s not only okay, but it is necessary that I show myself more compassion. 

I didn’t plan on telling the world that I’m PMSing today, but this little light bulb needed to be shared. It’s also not my intention to force you to make friends with your PMS, but hopefully, my story will lend a different perspective for that time of the month where it feels like everything sucks. 

You’re not crazy. Yes, you may be PMSing, but your anger, sadness, and emotions, even on your period, are valid and matter. Don’t hold them back anymore, embrace them. Feeling is healing.

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