I was tanning on the beach the other day when I overheard a nearby conversation about relationships.

One of the men asked his friends if they had ever seen a happy couple. Then, he confessed that he is single because happy relationships don’t exist.

I secretly smiled upon hearing him and wished I could tell him that he was, in fact, right.

Happy relationships don’t exist; he had it right. But, what he got wrong is that relationships aren’t supposed to make him happy anyway. No wonder he’s still looking for the “perfectly happy couple” ideal…and (maybe) failing.

Unfortunately, that stranger on the beach is not the only one who thinks that relationships should be a continuous source of fulfillment. I see it around me every single day: couples expecting a flawless partnership and constantly hunting for the “happy relationship” fantasy.

When they don’t find that steady, happy relationship, they lose hope. They either choose to remain single or jump from one relationship to the next, hoping to fulfill that fantasy. The truth is I have yet to come across a truly happy couple. No one is ever truly happy in their relationship, and that’s exactly how things should be.

Chasing happiness is not the goal, and it’s not what determines how successful a relationship may be. In my opinion, if we know how to manage unhappiness—how to navigate the rough patches and conflicts—then we are bound for a truly happy relationship.

What we undeniably miss about relationships is their (obvious) nature. They are—and forever will be—unstable. There will be difficult times. There will be awful days. And some days might be heavier than others. However, seeing our relationship for what it is brings a profound sense of relief.

We don’t need to mask it or turn it into something it’s not. As long as we hold the same values and walk toward the same direction, the bumps along the way shouldn’t hinder our journey. But the problem is that we don’t want the “bumps.” We only want a clear path with no obstacles whatsoever.

At their heart, relationships are:

>> unpredictable
>> volatile
>> overwhelming
>> triggering
>> vulnerable

If we are not ready to accept the nature of romantic relationships, then we may not be ready to be in one. Saying yes to love is not about saying yes to eternal happiness. When we say yes to love, we say yes to the good and the bad—the laughs and the disagreements, the good sex and the disappointments, the chemistry and the repulsion.

Having said that, maybe relationships can make us happy if we lower our expectations. They stand a good chance if we do the necessary inner work and ask ourselves, why are we so damn afraid of failure? Why are we afraid of rejection? Why are we terrified of temporary conflicts?

Let’s remember our own childhoods; let’s start from there. Let’s think of the blueprint of love that we learned from our parents growing up. They shaped our understanding of love, and whether we know it or not, we still hold that idea and stand by it. Examining the love language that our parents modeled for us can change the way we look at relationships.

Believe it or not, romantic relationships is about you. It’s not about what the other person can or can’t give you. It’s not about the years or anniversaries. It’s about how you are willing to see them. You determine the success of your relationship. With your partner, you can learn how to navigate the challenging times together and appreciate every single moment—especially the unhappy ones.

~